"I Got Allergies....to you I'm reacting..." (Dionne, "Allergies, from her album "Unrealistic")

So yeah....
I never had issues with allergies when I lived in Michigan...but the DC area just DOES NOT want to let up on me when it comes to punishments, so here I am, sandpaper-eyed, snotty nosed and sinus pressured. THANKS DMV!

Went and saw Dr. Sistagirl today,my psychologist, who needed to know all of the business and goings on with me this past week. I let her know that I have been so paranoid because of a certain situation in my home, which has me sleeping in my living room instead of my bedroom...that my financial situation isn't where it should be, and these allergies are kickin my butt! She says that right now, she sees it causing a 'situational depression' within me...meaning that when these situations have passed, she thinks I will go back to being my old self. Let's hope that is the situation.

So next week, "touring for Jesus" begins again, and although I'm broke, I am quite excited at the same time! Its amazing, that with all of the stuff (and the mess!) that I go through, how happy singing truly makes me! Not to mention the fact that I still wonder how (of all people) I was one of the chosen...

So...enough rambling...time to open it up to you readers.

As of yet, I don't know exactly what I am allergic to. I currently take Zyrtec, a 24 hour anti-histimine, drink lots of tea, eat lots of fruits and nuts. Do you have any suggestions as to how I ccan deal with this mess until the allergy
season subsides? What do you do, if you too are a sufferer?

and, as usual...if there is any topic you'd like me to touch upon, be it questions about kids, or singing...or anything at all, please email me at mzrayona@yahoo.com, and I will do my best to give you my point of view on the subject.

Until next time...

Kids these days...

So clearly, you can see by my picture up there (if you didn't already know me) that I am a light bright. I mean, I'm bi-racial...nothing new about that. Though (I can now proudly boast)I am a slight 2 shades darker due to my world tour this summer.

Anyway...my kids are just as light skinned as I am. Well, the Cadet is darker, but that's because he's always been one to stay outside in the sun, where as Boy Wonder (J) and Bean pretty much hang indoors (their asthma is worse than the Cadet's, and poor air qualities contribute to their indoors-ed-ness.

So, I come home today, and talk to the kids about their day, as I always do. Turns out that Bean realized today that she is one of 4 girls in her school that has locs...everyone else is a boy or adult. That's pretty cool, I tell her. Then she tells me about how somebody in her class got her nerves, but she shut them up, "but in a nice way, mom, I promise"...so of course, Ive gotta hear this.

"So ______ says he never saw a white girl with locs before, and I tell him I'm not white. he says 'yuh-huh, you are too white'"

Bean explains to me, very plainly "I cracked his face momma. I told him "I'm not white, but my grandma is" and he didn't even know what to think. He is still prolly sitting there tryin to figure it out."

LOLOLOL!!!
That was her telling Him...but in a nice way.
Go Bean!

shameless plug!

So, those who know me may (or may not) know that I have HUGE curly hair...I have been natural for years now, since losing my hair to cancer. I have been an active member of online hair communities for years now as well.

I was featured on Black Girl with Long Hair today, and am excited and honored!

Check It Out!

Back to School has come and gone...

and I'm still waiting to begin work.

Well...let me backtrack. I'm 'working'...but in the office. We haven't started the afterschool program just yet, so I haven't met this years' students. We ended up with 10 students (out of the 18 we began with), and of those, 4 of them were 8th graders who graduated from our program, and (Thankfully) went to high school. Of the 6, we believe that 5 are returning, as one moved to another school district. Which means that we now have 13 slots for new girls....WHEW. This will not be easy!

As for my own kiddios, this year has been quite interesting. Q had a hard time last year...wait...hard time my butt, he was downright lazy, and we weren't sure he was going to make it out of 8th grade. I went to conferences, talked to counselors, helped with projects, etc., but he just wasn't getting the grades we expected.

Then I realized that Its wasn't me, it was HIM. He was being lazy! I couldn't sit in class and do the work for him; couldn't do his homework; couldn't be there at school to tell him to turn the work in. These were all things he was supposed to be doing. But...he just wasn't...had no reason for it,just wasn't.

So when April came around, and he was in danger of failing (and I received that retention letter from the school district), I told him I was washing my hands of the situation. If he wanted to be back at the same middle school next year, wearing that same blue shirt, that was fine with me. It took me a minute to get there, but I was resolved to be okay with my son being an 8th grader AGAIN. I wasn't happy with it, but if this is how he's gonna learn his lesson...

It turns out though, that maybe my letting go was what he needed. I wasn't there to hold his hand, to push him through. He actually applied himself and JUST BARELY made it out of 8th grade. We won't even speak on his grade point average, because Yes, it was shameful...he wanted to apply to go to the high school around the corner that has an amazing Arts program...but you had to meet the minimum GPA before you could even apply. So much for that.

So, all he was left with was our neighborhood school...which is a military academy. All students are enrolled in the Army JROTC program. Everyday, they are in full regalia and uniform. They are called by last names, and he is currently a Cadet. We had to shave his locs (boy, was he upset about that!), to comply with uniform regulations. (Actually, I took him to his first day of a 3 day orientation...they told him that first morning "we don't want to see your 'hair' tomorrow"). He was angry all summer about how he didn't want to go to this school because he didn't want to be yelled at everyday. I explained that "Its not boot camp, its high school", but he still wasn't having it, even though all of his neighborhood friends go there, and tried to tell him.

He just left a couple of minutes ago, beginning his third week of school. I have already noticed a change in him. He dresses in his uniform everyday, pants at his waist, uniform pressed by the cleaners, tie tight, shoes shined, belt just right, name tag and ID perfectly placed. He comes home everyday, sits at the table, DOES HIS HOMEWORK, even helps his sister when she needs it. He's still my 14 year old, but has somehow found something within himself to motivate himself. I had to let him know that I'd be here, but he is now 14...a high schooler, a teenager. I expect him to take care of business, but I also expect him to find himself. He needs a social life, he needs responsibility and he needs obligation. I think he is beginning to find all of this in this high school. Though he needs to find something to do after school now (because he's NOT coming back to my house to get in trouble! I''m not having that!). He's not really a 'sports' guy, so a sports team may not be for him, but there are clubs and things he can get into...

This is my firstborn. He's now 14 and taller than me, but I'm watching him grow into Himself. Its got a wow-factor that is sometimes overwhelming, especially as a single mom. I have to be honest, I'm starting to get scared, because now we are really coming into manhood, and I have no idea of what to do! When my brothers went through this, I wasn't really around, so I don't remember my parents examples. Dre moved to Texas with his biological father, and I was off doing my own teenage thing when Kemper was going through this (plus, he had just found out about his diabetes...so that took up most of his teen years, learning how to deal with that). The plan is to ask lots of advice, and to have the willing men and fathers from my church there to help guide him...but in the end, I am still momma. He is still 100% dependent on me, though he is learning how to gain his own independence. He is feeling out the world for himself, and instead of me reaching out to pull his hand back from the fire, I have to bite my lip, and allow him to scorch his own hand a bit. Its not easy (on my part or his...he's already shown me blisters that I have to take care of), but I am determined to help him be there best young adult he can be.

Welcome back!

Honestly, I don't know if I'm saying that to you, or to myself, lol.

Well, as you can see, there have been ALOT of changes up and around here...

My computer was stolen in the break in, so I had to wait until the insurance company hooked me up with this here new laptop. Yay.

Also, I can no longer write about the training I was taking for my students...which was wonderful, but also very copywritten. My Bad. I will admit, I thought it was great, but obviously, other folks do too...so much so that they pay for it, and here I was, giving it away for free! Sorry yall!

So...so many things have happened since Ive 'been away'...a whole spring and summer's worth. Ive gone on trips for singing, trips for relaxation, and trips that opened my eyes to the world. I am still seeing my wonderful therapist, and Boy Wonder (J) has begun seeing her as well. Big Shoulders/Q started high school this fall...had to cut off his locs and everything...and I now refer to him as The Cadet, since that's what he is referred to at his military high school now. Bean is just as social as ever...nothing's changed there.

I've done alot of growing these past few months as well. I have really thrown myself into this singing ensemble that I am a part of, and we've been "touring for Jesus" as some folks like to call it...lol...but its funny, because its true! We went to a huge National christian conference back in July...went a few other places, and now preparing to go south later this month. Our CD is in the process of being released...and I'm claiming it like its my own, when really I'm just a background singer...but its one of the best things that's ever happened to me...and I can't take a lick of credit for it either.

Dr. Lady is fabulous! I love going to see her, because not only is she faith based, but she sees things that I don't have to speak upon...and she's helped me through alot of things. I have learned to get angry about things; to let things go; to be okay with doing things by myself. The kiddios were back home with my momma all summer, so I think I did a great job of testing out some of her theories (and I passed with flying colors!).

So yeah...I don't know where this blog is going from here...but I'm glad you're along for the ride. And hey...if you have anything you wanna know, just ask. I'm sure I can address it, whatever it may be...I'll at least give it a try!

OOH, Good Jesus...its been wild!

Wow.
Recently, my posts have been dramatical*. Extra dramatical, even. This one is just as dramatical, I tell you. Here goes.

So, Friday, I wake up, and all is well. I talk to J about having to pick him up from school, because it is his first visit with the child psychologist, as he is beginning therapy for his childhood depression. I tell him I will be picking him up, then dropping him off again after the appointment.

I send all of the kids off to school, as usual. In the morning, if I am not swimming, I use this as my Me Time. I read my Bible, then spend my morning reading, watching TV and playing on my laptop, all from my bed, all at the same time.

I then shower, and prepare to leave the house to go get J. (Oh yeah, he sees his therapist in the same office where mine is, which is a beautiful thing...because if our therapists work together, its only going to help our household. Great therapists FTW**!)

I leave the house at 10:15, because his appointment begins at 10:45. Pick him up from school...go to the appointment (his therapist didn't come in, but he was okay with that...he got out of school, and was happy). My appointment ran from 11 to 11:50, and then we made our way back to school, where I dropped him off. I had a staff meeting at 12:30 to get to, but ran home to use the bathroom, and check my bank account online.

So I get in the apartment at noon, and run back to the bathroom in my room. I then dash over to my bed to grab the laptop...but its not there. "Now I know I just left it here..."...I look around and things are a mess. I look up at my dresser and my TV is gone...the cable cord dragged across the room. Oh No.

I run back up front and see that under the TV where the kids play video games...everything is gone. The Wii. Its 4 controllers, and the docking station for those controllers. The games (a few are left, scattered). The Wii wheels (for driving games)...all accessories...everything. There is a chair in front of the window, with muddy foot prints on it that carry themselves throughout my dining room.

Ive had a break-in. I call my job, tell them I can't come in. Then call the police. Officers are on their way, don't touch anything.

While all of this is sinking in...I decide to start taking pictures on my phone of stuff I notice missing.

Then I here my patio screen door slide.
I hear the blinds being pulled back.
The thief has returned.

About 25 feet from me is the thief, returning for another round of thievery, I assume. I starting screaming "Get out, get out of my house"...(of course, I had to confess, there were some expletives that came out as well, forgive me)...he froze, obviously surprised to see me back home so quickly. Then he bolted back out of the door, and by the time I got there, he was gone of course...me not knowing which way he went either.

I went back inside and called 911.

Blah Blah Blah...police came...I don't feel safe...he knows where I live, saw my face...

I locked up EVERYTHING...doors, windows, fridge...anything I could. Went directly to the leasing office and told them "My apartment has been broken into. The thief came back to my apartment. I do not feel safe there. I have had problems with staying on the ground floor here (for other reasons)...I need you guys to either move me to another unit on another floor or break my lease". They gave me some story about needing approval, blah blah blah...call them back shortly, so they can call home office. Sure. I called 15 minutes later, and they got approval. Told them I needed maintenance to come fix my doors, and add some security to my windows.

I then went to pick up J and Bean from school...had to explain to them what happened...they actually took it alot better than I thought they would (though Bean bombards people with "We Got Robbed" as soon as she sees them, instead of "Hi, how are you?"). Then I wanted to go pick up Q from school, since he rides the bus home, and usually gets home when no one else is there...I didnt want him to come home to an empty, ransacked house.

It was raining. Roads were wet, and the oil is beginning to rise to the surface, after being held down under snow and salt for weeks.

Guy in front of me hits his brakes, so I do the same...and realize I'm sliding.
I scream...so Bean screams.
Then we hit.
And he hits the truck in front of him.

My airbag didn't deploy, and my chest hurts, bad. Bean hit her head on my seat, and has a small mark on her face, because she turned her head, so her glasses shielded her from injury. J was completely fine. The paramedics commented on how smart I was to have Bean in a booster seat at the age of 8...shoot, I'm just following the laws (plus Bean is a lightweight at her age).

I don't know much else of what happened that day, because I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Had an EKG and and a chest XRAY, and I'm good. Turns out, the seatbelt locked, and with my full weight being thrown at it, I'm just sore. No bruising though...I'm so blessed!

So...thats the condensed version. Im sure there are details for days that I have left out...but that was my Friday.

Shouts to my loving church family, The DC Regional Christian Church (www.dccoc.org) for coming through in major ways. I called a sister who picked us (me and the younger 2 kiddios) up from the hospital; another brother for grabbing Q from school; the church ministry leaders for putting all 4 of us up in an extended stay hotel for the weekend; the sister who brought me boxes to pack and move; and the entire singles ministry who was ready to drop everything and help me move after church yesterday (but still plans to come through and help me move this coming Saturday instead).

Twice in one day, my life was compromised, but I am still here. Twice in one day, I was reminded of the grace and mercy of God, and I am still here, unhurt and happy.
Situations such as these remind us of why we trust and believe...




*I know that dramatical is not a real word...but I lovew the way it rolls off the tongue!
**FTW=for the win. I know some of you don't 'get' all of my acronyms, so I don't mind helping bring you up to speed!

Working things out

Sorry I've been so quiet lately. After the storm of the century, I have really had to buckle down and get some things done. I am currently rehearsing for a play (The Vagina Monologues, yay!), working with my student, with my kiddios and working out. I'm also seeing the new therapist!

Being in the show has renewed my spirit in acting. I LOVE being an actress...I love the demands, the characterization, love being able to step into someone else's life for awhile, to be able to take someone else to another world for as long as they are suspended in belief. Of course, this play has only one showing, which also works well for my schedule...being a busy momma and all...

As far as therapy, it seems to be going well. I met with the new doctor, and I am very comfortable with her (I just wish she would speak louder! Makes me feel like I'm going deaf!) So, after a long discussion, we decided on a treatment plan. Therapy once a week, and I will meet with the doctor monthly. I am not so gung ho about medication, so after this first month without it, we will decide if medication is best. I am so encouraged by this news. What a great compromise...and I am glad that I was given the option in the first place.

Alrighty folks...just wanted to drop in for a quick update...will be chatting with you again soon! Thanks for hangin' in there with me!

~yonna