Merry Holidays

I type this as I lay in my bed, here on the day before December 25, Christmas. This has already been a very hard week for me, as the realization that my father is no longer here to talk my ear off, has hit. This time last year, my family was here with me; my mom and her husband, my brother and my dad all drove down to visit the kiddios and I. It was an odd combination (my mom and her husband, and then my dad as well?), but it worked. And of course, we had to have the regular family spat, but we all love each other at the end of the day.

Anyway, I pray that each and every one of you cherish these merry times with your family, no matter who you believe your creator to be, because all creators teach that you love one another. Be good to one another, and be better, if needbe. Remember to take a moment to reflect on the past year, smile at what you've accomplished, and be determined to finish what you've started. If there is something you have yet to complete, look forward to bringing it to fruition in the New Year.

Merry Holidays, loves...see you in 2010.
love,
MommaYonna

What's goin on?

Just a brief check in, to let you know whats going on in the world of MommaYonna...

~Had an appointment with the new therapist this past Thursday. Mind you, this would be our first, since I had an appointment back in October, which was rescheduled for November, which was rescheduled (yes, AGAIN) for this past Thursday. I was just excited to have NOT gotten another phone call from the office saying we'd have to reschedule again. So I make my way to the office, ready to go! Go up the elevator, to the office door and BAM! Slapped in the face with the HEAVY, syrupy scent of Artificial Cinnamon. It was so thick that my eyes immediately began to itch and well up with tears...for those of you who don't know me well, or in person, I am allergic to artificial cinnamon. It swells my respiratory passages rather quickly, and I already can't breathe, having asthma. I walk up to the receptionist (how nice, you're hidden behind a glass window, away from this demon air), and tell her I'm here for my appointment. She asks me if I'm okay, and I tell her that I am allergic to their air fresheners, as I fumble with my purse, looking for my Benedryl. (I keep lots on hand this time of year, since that scent is synonymous with the holidays) She just looks at me like I am wasting her time. I finally take a Benedryl Melt Away and hope for the best...as she hands me a stack of paperwork to fill out. I ask her if that one Plug-In I'm seeing is the only one in the small waiting room, she says "No, there are 2". I can't escape it. I tell her I will be right back, and go into the hallway to fill out my paperwork.

Once I am finished, I return to the waiting room, and ask her if the doctor's office is scented as well, and she tells me that it isn't. So I sit in the office, scarf wrapped around my face tightly, my hand securing it, looking like a true mental case to everyone else in the room. Clearly, I'm sure they thought, she is in the right place.

So a half hour later, I am still sitting in the waiting room, and I hear the receptionist on the phone with someone. By now, there is only myself and one other patient in the room, and with it being 11:30, she came early for her 11:45. I hear the receptionist asking 'how long will you be?' to someone, and then 'well, your 11 o'clock is here' (that's me). She then gets off the phone. I'm expecting her to let me know that the doctor will be in shortly, he's parking, he's caught in traffic, ANYTHING...but she doesn't.

After another 5 minutes, I politely muffle through my scarf that I cannot take it anymore, I can't breathe, and I'm gonna have to go. She asked me if I wanted to reschedule, and I replied No. You've rescheduled me 3 times. The doctor isn't here, and who knows when he will be. You're assaulting me with histamines, and you don't really care. No. I will not be returning to this office. EVER.
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The students are having a sleepover this coming Monday night, since we haven't had program in almost a week, and will not until January 4, when school resumes. This should be interesting.

The last day of program, we had a special, Secret guest come and speak to us. We prepared the students on how to act when a special guest comes, but for some reason, our Directors couldn't tell us who the guest was. Not even me, and I'm on staff! It was hard to help them prepare the girls, but for some reason, this guest needed complete anonymity...no press, no pictures, nothing but extra police protection. And this person was coming SPECIFICALLY to see our girls.

It turns out that our special guest was Dr. Maya Sotorro-Ng. (Also know as POTUS Barack Obama's little sister). I, for one, was blown away. She has been outspoken about Mixed Races in America, and is someone I look up to. She has also moved MANY times in her life (as I have) and taught middle school. She was in situations that many of our girls have faced, and was an all around great guest. She recognized when they were starting to zone out, and made sure to keep them engaged. A wonderful speaker!

She explained that she didn't want anyone else to know she was coming because she didnt want to draw attention to herself. She had been visiting DC for about 4 months now (is moving back to Hawaii in a couple of days) and loves her anonymity. She has only been recognized 6 times out of 4 months, and uses it to her family's advantage. She told us how just the day before, she had taken Sasha and Malia out to a bookstore, and while the public knew who the girls were, they didnt know who she was. She was able to keep people away from the girls, asking them to "allow the girls to have just a bit of normalcy", and they obliged. She is able to make runs here and there for Barack and Michele, that they would never be able to do themselves without a motorcade and pomp and circumstance. I can understand that! I was just honored to have her there with us.
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In a little more than a week, the kiddios and I will be going on vacation, meeting my mother at our destination. This should be interesting, as I have never done anything like this before. Its always been me and the kiddios, or me and mom; never the 5 of us. I'm sure I will have plenty to share about that when I return, maybe even a few pictures.

Sheesh...didnt mean to be so long winded. My apologies.

See you next time.

The Realization that its working...

The kiddios and I spent Thanksgiving with my mom up in MI. It was a nice holiday (the exception being that I realized I'm allergic to mom's dog, the ONLY dog Ive ever liked in this world).

Of course, kids being kids, there were many opportunities to flex my AYD at Home skills. I mean, when you put 2 adults and 3 kids in a VERY small 2 bedroom apartment, things get really close, really quick.

I realized though, that the AYD works when my mom and I were having a conversation with Q. He was having an issue with Bean and she came out of the room, feelings hurt because he told her "I'm starting to hate you now". So of course, I had to have a conversation with them both.

I explained that first of all, words CAN hurt a person. That I think I understood what Q meant, but I don't think Bean did. There's no secret in our house that everyone really does (down deep) love each other, but that siblings annoy one another. That's kind of part of being a sibling, especially a younger one. The younger sib tests the patience of the older. But the way that the older expresses that annoyance effects the situation. I asked Q if I told him that I was starting to hate him, would his feelings be hurt? He said yes. I asked him if I told him he was getting on my nerves, would his feeling be hurt in the same way; he said nope, that doesn't hurt him, he just knows to back off. Then he got my point.

My mom then explained that in dealing with the kiddios, I talk to them, not at them. We discuss what our issues are, and I ask them for alternatives. I ask for and value their opinions, and listen to them, treating them with respect. She said that I treat them like young people, not little kids.

That was my AHA moment.

Someone else saw what I was trying to do.

I feel like this really is working, and its worth something.

Good days...and bad ones too

Hello there! Lots going on this holiday week, but I didn't want to leave you without a post. I'll be back next week with good newness, especially since I plan on taking another AYD course next week, and you know, with new training comes new insight!

Umm, yeah...
So, a subject that I haven't really hit on very much is this depression that I deal with. Notice, I said deal with, and not suffer from. Though some days are harder than others, and I do a bit of suffering, I don't like to say that. I deal with it on a day by day basis. And at times, it seems like day in, day out, things aren't getting better, but I'm still here, aren't I?

So I STILL have yet to see my therapist (appointment has been rescheduled for next week...and doggit, it just struck me that its during this training I'm thinking of taking...hmmm...) but luckily I have friends who not only have dealt with issues such as depression, but I also just discovered that I have friends who are actually therapists of various kinds as well. See what speaking up will do?

Anyway, I have what I like to call "down days", where I can't even seem to get out of bed. I get up, get my kids out the door and on their way to school, but then I cant seem to motivate myself to do anything else. I mean, this depression hurts, physically. My body is all over the place; I am hardly hungry, I barely sleep and honestly, if I didn't HAVE to, I probably wouldn't bathe. Too much information, I'm sure...but I'm just being honest. I make it a point of being excited to go to work with the girls, so I force myself out of the bed and into the bathroom for a daily hygiene regimen, to set a good example. Yeah, its come to that.

In all actuality, its like that on a daily basis, weekends too. I have to make lots of plans and keep myself busy in order to keep myself from wallowing everyday. That's a good thing, really. As long as I'm up, moving and doing something for someone else, I am happy. Service is what keeps me busy, and it makes my mind work when it doesn't really want to. As I type this, I am checking the time, because I have volunteered to drop of Thanksgiving baskets collected by my church to a senior citizens home.

Rambling...The point of all of this was to give a tip that I was given this weekend.

Since i have returned home from Daddy's funeral in June, I haven't been so motivated (thank the depression) to clean my home a fervently as I had in the past. I have done my best to make sure that the common areas are presentable, but my room is in a constant state of CHAOS. CHAOS meaning Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. When I have people over, they should be able to roam freely in my home (I believe), especially since I have a bathroom in my room, and if the other is in use, mine should be available. Well, let's be honest...the door to my bedroom has been closed to the public for months now, and I do not feel at all good about that. The advice that I got this weekend was to do everything in steps. I can't cure my depression overnight, nor can I wipe away its effects on me. I have to take small steps to get to where I need to me.

So today, I cleaned off my bed and changed the sheets. Sounds easy, but honestly, it wasn't. It took real effort to do it. I wanted to make sure that I put everything away that was piled up on the bed, and then I got to stripping it and putting on brand new sheets...the ones I had bought a couple months ago, but never had the energy to put on. And the energy it took! It took me all of 45 minutes to accomplish my task, and I feel great...tired, but great! (I told you, depression wears on your physical body!) I am leaving to go visit family for the holiday tomorrow and how great will it be to come home to a fresh, cozy bed?

That was step one. Step 2 will be to clean off the top of my dresser, either tonight or tomorrow. See, it may not be a big deal, and may not look like much to everyone else, but I know that it is making a difference. It may take alot longer than some think it should, but it gets done. Looking at the big picture, my entire room, that's overwhelming; I get discouraged and procrastinate and it never gets done. But by taking a small bit and doing it, its not so daunting.

Didn't mean to be so long winded there...

So as you go on your way about this holiday week, I hope that you and yours have a blessed one. Be thankful for what you have, and do not regret what you do not. Take a look at those children in your life, and treasure the time that you have with them as youth. Look at your relationship with them; do you respect them as people (not kids)? Do you talk to them in ways that make them feel less of a person, or are you contributing to their enrichment, and guiding them to make choices that will make their transition to adulthood pleasant? Are you depositing or withdrawing from their emotional banks? Will they be thankful for you being in their lives?

Have a wonderful week, and don't eat too much! Be careful out there on Black Friday as well!