I am (not?) my hair...

Yesterday, I went to program with my hair out. Its HUGE right now. Of course, Saturday, I had an audition, and its common to have your hair the same way for the audition that you have it styled in your headshots, and because my hair is pretty versatile right now, my headshots were taken with the big hair. Of course, it can always be pulled back, so I have a smaller shot on the resume' side showing that. Its been kinda rainy and humid around here these past few days, so I thought nothing of just letting the fro go until the weather dried up. yesterday was another rainy day, and because I don't really cover my hair in the rain (its just hair...and its just rain. They go well together), and it just got bigger as the day went along.

I must admit,it felt good to not having to pull it back or up and out of the way.

When my students walked into the room (only 1 of our returners came yesterday, so it was all of the new girls), they all reacted in some way. Of course, I had prepared for that, and made sure I didn't make a big deal of it. We make sure that when they walk in, the focus is on them, not us. So I would just comment quickly, and change the subject to something about them.

One girl had a big reaction..."OH WOOOOW"....I said "yeah. How are you? How was your weekend?", quickly changing the subject. She couldn't stop gawking at it. It was a little uncomfortable, but I didn't sit and think about that much, I had students to tend to.

As the day went on, she began making comments about my hair. "Who did your hair?" I did. "What did you do to it?" I just wet it, added a little bit of product. But it gets curly with water.

And then she said "Girl please...those are tracks. I mean, its cute, but those are tracks".

Right then, I wanted to breathe hellfire on this child and shut her up. Like, seriously...for real? Tracks? For real?

Now, I have seen some really cute weave/track styles around here...and right now, everyone does want the curly fro style, so they add the tightly coiled tracks and pull the curls apart...so I can see how she'd confuse me with this. However, our lone returning student told her that it was my real hair. She then asked me again if it were tracks, and I told her no, you can scratch my scalp and everything (not that I'd really let her though).

She kept going on and on about the tracks, and I actually had to turn my back on this girl, because I was really getting angry about this. Then she asked my co-worker about my hair, the one Ive been working with for almost 2 years now. "What did you think when you first saw Miz Rayawwwwna's tracks?" "That's her real hair..."...I later found out that co-worker had heard her talking about these 'tracks' all day, but never realized she was talking about me, and found it funny.

I am very protective about my hair. I tell people to please ask before touching it, because it bothers me when you just stick your hands all up there. I don't let people 'play' in my hair. I believe it comes from losing it to cancer treatments...and then being so scared when it grew back.

Something no one knows (this is my first time ever admitting it)...my doctor told me to cut my hair off after one of my locs came out in my hands. I was already in radiation, and it was breaking down the keratin in my body. I had nails that fell off, and my nose and ears bruised easily, feeling mushy even. I had known for a few weeks that my hair would be next...he said I may no go chemo bald, but I should expect to lose hair.

I made it sound like I was wrestling with cutting off my hair...I guess, looking back, I really was. I didn't want to do it, not at all. When I finally got the nerve together, I went to Dwight and had him cover the mirror as he cut my locs off. I still have a small handful around here, in a bag. For the first few weeks, when things were ugly and uneven, I wore scarves, exclusively. I was so ashamed of having no hair.

When I finally did reveal it, I got a few shocked glances...but that was it. Mind you, I was still in college at the time, and a few of my girlfriends had all just shaved their heads too, but for fashionable/personal reasons. I guess everyone just thought I was going along with the trend, and honestly, that was cool with me. I didn't have to explain this to anyone, not even my roommate. Basically, I allowed my silence/indecision on the matter to lie for me, and not let anyone know what was going on with me.

I had to think about why this girl's comment about tracks made me so angry, and I think that's it! It took me so long (4 years almost to the day) to get my hair back to where I am completely comfortable with it. For someone to insist that it was fake offended me completely. Did she know that? No. Would I let her know? Absolutely.

I also had to think about her and her situation. Was she really making fun of me, or was she admiring me in her own 7th grade way? Both are possible, but I am choosing to see it the latter way. She is a young lady who is maybe 12, trying to fit in, trying to be cool. She doesn't have alot of hair, and usually just wears hers back in a ponytail, nothing fancy, nothing special. Her environment tells her that if you want long hair, or hair that is big and puffy, you buy it and sew it in. She is just coming to me from her own experiences. She may or may not think she's cute (one of her shout outs yesterday was to herself "Because she's pretty"...we find that many of them stress their looks when they are actually very insecure about them, as a false sense of security), and may think I am the opposite of what her personal thoughts of 'cute' are.

By the end of the day, I had calmed down. As we walked out of the classroom to our closet when we put all of our materials for the night, somehow I realized that she and I were ahead of the rest of the group. I told her quietly "It hurts my feelings when people comment on my hair being fake. I used to have cancer, and didn't have any hair, and it took a long time for it to get this long. So it really hurt my feelings when you kept saying that." Her mouth dropped open wide, and she didn't say anything. I told her "see you tomorrow", and smiled.

I shared this with my co-workers in debrief, and explained that I don't know if she really listened to my whole statement, or stopped listening at the word cancer...but they assured me, she heard it.

I never really thought I'd ever be so touchy about my hair...ah well...

Until next time...

If I wasn't crazy enough before...

I will be shortly.

So...here I am, for the first time in my life, feeling helpless because of SNOW. After spending most of my life in Michigan, I was happy to give away my snow pants and shovels, and pack up my things to move to DC and Maryland.

Last Thursday, I got off work, and headed home, feeling confident that my deep freezer was full of food, and that the gallon and a half of milk in the fridge would hold us through this so called 'snow storm' we were about to get. Now, I have been here almost 2 years, and I had seen what they called snow storms around these parts. To Michiganders, those were days that the kids got excited and begged to go out and play. I'm sure you all remember the day DC schools got cancelled, and President Obama laughed about it publically. Nationally, even. That's what I'm talkin about, that's what I expected.

But no.

We got the NorEasterElNinoSlamDunk of all snowstorms.

And for the first day, I was cool. No biggie. (This was friday)

Then Saturday came. The local news was playing ALL DAY. NON-STOP. No commercials, no news breaks about personal interest stories, no soap operas, nothin! All snowstorm coverage, all traffic (or lack there-of). And to be honest, the NBC Local News 4 did a great job, because I was throughly enthused-them cats were quite entertaining!

Then Sunday came. No church (though a conference call service was held-how cool is that?!?) News was still saying dont drive if you mustn't. I saw firetrucks and ambulances with snow tires and chains on the wheels STUCK in the snow! Now, I can drive in snow...but I wasn't about to go anywhere!

Not only that, but I clown folks regularly for making a big fuss over a little bit of snow. See, here in MD, they aren't used to more than a couple inches of snow, so they dont have the proper equipment to handle it. Only a few thousand plow trucks, a few hundred tons of salt...stuff like that. Residents don't know how to drive in this stuff, because they usually don't have to.

Which makes me afraid.

Read again.

Now, I can drive in snow...but I wasn't about to go anywhere! Residents don't know how to drive in this stuff, because they usually don't have to.

THESE FOLKS CAINT DRIVE IN SNOW!!!

So annyway...

Monday comes along, and I finally go out on my steps to see the damage. The plow trucks have come through my apartment complex...and there is a 6ft tall mountain of snow blocking my car in. Not to mention the 3 feet on top of the car, and on the ground around Whitey Ford as well.

I used my neighborhood, friendly soundboard to make my plea for help (Facebook saves the day once again!)...screaming about my cabin fever, lack of fruit, milk and cereal. Luckily, an adventurous few made their way through the snow towards me (clowning me all the way, might I add...YES, this snow DID get the best of me! I can admit it) and brought me my staples, and shoveled me out of Antarctica. Thanks God for folks with serving hearts and adrenalin!

Today, I made my way out into the element, using my 16 years of driving through Michigan winter skills, filled up Whitey Ford's tank and went to the grocery store. That took a total of 3 hours from start to finish, with 5 of those minutes being filling the tank, a total of 15 minutes driving, and another 25 actually shopping. (The grocery store is a quarter of a mile from my house). So, if you're doing the math, you realize that I spent 2 hours and 15 minutes in the parking lot of the grocery store. Confucius told Nostradamus that 2012 was coming early, along with Armageddon, The Day After Tomorrow and Deep Impact...all they needed was the Book of Eli (shout out to my favorite disaster, end of the world movies).

Got home safely. Praise God for that.

I have been emailing back and forth with my supervisors, AYDExtroidanaire and The Songstress...talking about how the girls are gonna be once program begins again later this week...

And I get an email stating "See you Thursday(?!)", meaning that DC public school are closed AGAIN tomorrow (as they were today and Monday). So, I go to the website for my own kids school district.

And I saw what has given me an extra 36 beautiful and luxurious gray hairs.


My kids are out of school until NEXT TUESDAY.

That means we will have been stuck together, in this house for a full 12 days. 12 "Wii playing, house cleaning, do your homework again, read all of the Harry Potter Books and watch the movies too, you'd better recycle those clothes because Im not taking them to the laundromat in this snow" days.

If I wasn't crazy enough before...I will be shortly.

Y'all...pray for me.





or better yet,
pray for the kiddios.


~mommayonna

the turnaround

Hey there readers...this week has been a whirl-wind!

First things first, thanks for the well wishings that I got. I had fully recovered, and am chock full of the daily recommended amount of blood again, so I am all ready to go!

On the home front...things are...different. Report cards came out this week, and school pictures were sent home at the same time. Its funny...when I look at the pictures of my kiddios, I can see everything that is going on in their live, right on their faces.

Q has this "I'm too cool to smile, because thats just not what 8th grade boys do...but momma said she was paying good money for these pictures, so I'd better not look mean" look on his face. He also shows me that there are lots of things on his mind...gotta keep his grades up, or the drum lessons will become shorter; dealing with girls; trying to keep up with homework; and church things: his best friends go to church with us, and do things one way, while the neighborhood kids he goes to school with do things another way. He feels like he has 2 sets of friends, and being the same person in front of both groups isn't as easy as he thought it would be.

J brought his pictures home, and his face looks like "I want to smile...and I'm gonna...but wait! I'm not ready...doggit, you caught me". J is having some issues right now. What I didn't realize in my own grief is that J (who is named after my daddy) has been hit hard by his death as well. Not only are J and I very close, and he sees what I'm going through, but being a namesake hasn't made things easier for him. His grades are effected. Being a child who deals with emotional abuse issues, he takes EVERYTHING alot harder than his siblings. His grades are showing this as well. He does great on his tests, and does his homework, but gets lazy at the point where he has to hand it in. He is also easily distracted in class. I told him today to let his teacher know that I need to work on an IEP (Individual Education Plan) with her, because I am thinking that he may need psychological help in school. I already sees a counselor, and is in the 'Confidence Club' (a group of students who are shy or have esteem issues, working with one of the school counselors), but he may need more than that. I already knew what his grades were before the report cards came home (thanks to online grade reporting), so I knew what to expect. However, he was crushed when he got his grades. He was reluctant to show me, because he thought he was going to get in trouble, but since I knew a couple of weeks ago, I had already thought about what to do, and without him realizing it, we have already been dealing with it. But those grades! The only thing that he has to gauge himself with...he saw them, and immediately decided that he was stupid. I have to explain to him constantly that he is not stupid, he is not a dummy, but maybe the way he's learning isn't the style that's best for him. I explained that there are 9 different learning styles, and most teachers really only use 3 or 4 of them. I told him that I will help him to find his learning style, and that we will work together to bring those grades up...together.

Bean's pictures showed me exactly what I already knew about her. "I love this, this is cool, I am great and everything is well with the world". Her smile is so easy, and third grade life couldn't be better. Her only real issues in life are why we can't go out and buy her teacher a huge birthday present, and dealing with her brothers at home. However, last night, she told me she felt so bad, she wanted to run away. I asked her why, she said "because I keep doing wrong things". She said this after I reminded her about deodorant. (Yes...its gotta be in the hormones in the food...my baby has been wearing deodorant since she was 5!) Every night, after showers, I ask my kids the 3 questions...Did you brush your teeth? Did you put on deodorant? Did you take your medicine? She had forgotten one of those, and I asked her to go and do it. Earlier in the day, she had forgotten to do something else. To me, its no big deal, but I have to remember, I'm not 8. To her, anytime mom has to tell her to do something that she should have already done, its a big deal, and 'maybe I'm getting in trouble'. I tried to break it down to her as much as I could, explaining that everyone makes mistakes before they get really good at something, they even forget a bunch of times before something becomes a habit. We laid together, quietly talking for a few minutes, as I let her know that messing up is okay and that I would be very sad if she ran away. My life wouldn't be the same, and who would help me when the brothers ganged up on me? Who would sing the girl songs with me, and who would I practice dancing with?

I swear, being a momma shows me myself. I thought this morning that a few months ago, all yesterdays conversations would have gone so differently...but thinking about youth development has really changed me. I also think about how my being an adult versus them being children has got to feel on their part, and that I don't want to disrespect them as people. Young people, but people nonetheless.


When was the last time you changed a conversation you were going to have with a child out of respect for them? Have you ever punished, or 'snapped' on a child because its 'what your're supposed to do'? Did this happen to you as a child, and if so, how has it effected your adulthood?

Woo! Training out the window!

WOO!
WOOSAH even!

Today we took the students on a field trip...by the way, if you're in the DC area, the Spy Museum is free on the last Wednesday of every month.

Anyway, a field trip is always an interesting experience, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always unpredictable. We met the students outside of their school to make it easier for us to get there, since the bus stop is just across the street from school. We always provide them with a snack when program begins for the day, so I had the snack bag and was ready. I made sure they signed into program, gave them a snack, told them to make sure they stayed near us, do not throw your wrappers on the ground, etc. Of course, we were right where all of the other students could come and heckle and haggle, including a few former students of our program. One of them decided she wanted to cuss up a storm in front of us, and slap some of our students, since she is no longer in our program and technically, we can't do anything to her. Then she commences stealing my favorite pen (which we used at sign in...the students know its my favorite pen, and have a fit when I don't know who has it)...I ask "who has my purple pen, who has my purple pen?"...Former student speaks up about a minute later..."________ has it", and I look over and see _____picking it up off the ground to give to me. I ask her if she had had the pen all along, she tells me no, and I told her I believed her. _____is the quiet and shy type, and isn't one to throw a pen on the ground, much less keep the pen. Ugh. Anyway, former student was obviously trying to find some attention from the staff, since she wasn't getting it from the students (except the ones she slapped...I had to go calm down one of my girls who went after her). Moving on.

We take the bus downtown, and for the most part, that was nice, easy, uneventful, and complaint free. Just the way I like things.

We get off the bus and have to walk from 7th and Pennsylvania to 9th and H...not a far walk at all...but the complaints begin. "I didn't know we would be walking forever. I wanna stop at Starbucks, why can't we stop at Starbucks? (Do YOU have Starbucks money?) Why do we always take field trips to museums? Why can't yall ever take us to Kings Dominion?" After about...5 to 10 minutes of this, I asked aloud "Does anyone plan to continue complaining? I'd like to know right now who I need to tune out for the rest of the day". I mean REALLY. This is a FREE program. We feed you. We pay your bus fare. We make sure you get into these things. We make sure we have permission slips. We provide everything you need. You are not required to do anything but get your permission slip signed, bring it back, show up on time and participate. How hard is that?

To certain 6th, 7th and 8th graders, it seems to be the end of the world.

We get to the spy museum, and realize that 95.5 WPGC is there for the day, so of course, the girls get excited. They listen to this radio station, and know the DJ who is making the appearance. They take pictures, and are given goodie bags full of candy.

We then begin making our way through the museum. We let them know that it is now 4:10, we need to meet in the gift shop at 5. True, we don't have alot of time (now that your complaining behinds have taken 15 minutes to walk what should have been 5 minutes), so lets make the best of the time we do have. And for the most part, they did enjoy what they saw. At 5, we congregated in the gift shop, and people were looking around. We were then ushered into the cafe, where WPGC bought the girls (doggit, not the staff) lunches. A mini turkey sandwich, a cookie and some chips, pre-packaged, with a bottle of water to go with.

THESE INGRATEFUL HEFFAS DECIDED IT WASNT GOOD ENOUGH. ONE STORMED OUT, TOSSING HERS IN THE GARBAGE IN FRONT OF THE SPONSORS! ugh.

They complained halfway down the street. Some of them didn't get a water bottle, and were complaining that they were thirsty (they were so busy complaining, that they didn't see the table with the waters on it).

Then, they asked "Miz Rayawwwwna, wha's wrong witchu?"

"I cannot believe how yall just acted in there. I am embarrassed and cannot believe how ingrateful you all just showed yourselves to be. Just for future reference, if you all do not like the kinds of trips we go on, or the services we provide, you don't have to come or participate."

Yeah. I said it. I let loose my personal feelings on them. I even told one girl that if my kids would have acted like that, they would have gotten a public beating.

That was me. At about 5:30 this afternoon.

I am not at all proud of my attitude with them. And when I see them again on Monday (we dont have program tomorrow or Friday) I will have to give a public apology, for being upset and taking it out on them.

Except for a few that I truly was tuning out (for constant complaining) the bus ride back to the recreation center was pleasant. But my attitude had not changed.

I never said I was perfect. I am human. I try to do my best to do what is well and good, and what is expected of a person in my position, but I foul up just like the next person. Had we have been in our classroom, I would have been able to "take a moment" (excusing myself from the classroom to get my feelings together) but in this case, I could not. I took it out on them instead.

I am not infallible. I am a work in progress...I need a hard hat and caution tape. Bear with me, please.

Double duty

So today, I was challenged to use my AYD training in my home life.

woo. hard work.

So I get to work today, and am setting up my classroom, preparing for the girls to come in, when I get a call from Q's guidance counselor. She explains that she has my 8th grader in her office. There was a girl that he's been bothering for about a week; pulling her hair, throwing things at her, and finally hitting her in the face. I instantly thought "This boy likes her...sheesh"...anyway, the counselor asked him why he did it, and he says "I was just irritating her" (and then I KNEW for a fact that he likes her).

The counselor explains that the girl hasn't said anything to anyone until today, because he hit her in the face...so she came crying to the counselor. Counselor calls Q out of class, describes the details the girl gave her, and does not deny one bit of it. She then calls me.

Explains the situation to me...and of course, I am already slightly heated that I got this phone call, at work, no less. I ask her repeatedly "Is he going to be disciplined?", and she keeps saying that the administration doesn't know about this (umm...why not? Aren't you a counselor? Isn't that administration?) She felt like she should call me on it before all else. So I let her know Yes, I will speak to him on the matter, but should this girl go home and tell her parents, my son will be disciplined in school. Don't get me wrong, I full well believe that he SHOULD be disciplined. He has no right to harass this child like this, like her or not. I ask the counselor to let him know that he should come straight home today, missing his beloved drum lesson, and I will speak to him then.

My co-workers overheard the call, and saw my reaction. The mom in me was upset, and felt one way. So they asked the AYD trained youth development worker to think about what to do. COME ON, MAN! I didn't feel like using AYD! This is my child!

yeah. HELLO!

Earth to Yonna. My kids are the reason why I know AYD works. After my first day of training, I began using it at home. They proved to me what the big deal was. I will admit, I didn't want to hear the harsh dose of reality they were trying to open my eyes to...I wanted to be the upset mom. I had my chance.

And then I taught my program. All of this went out the window for a few hours.

So I came home, and spoke to my son. I explained that yes, I am disappointed, but no, I'm not mad. He would not be punished (by me at least...if the school does anything I won't fight it). I explained that I know that he 'likes' her (and he grinned in embarrassment), but now that he is in middle school, this elementary routine is not the way to go about it. We have talked about him respecting women and girls, but maybe he thinks that only applies to his mother and sister. We discussed other ways to get a girls attention, how to let her know that you 'like' her without pulling hair, throwing things, or other things that his sister's 3rd grade peers are doing.

What he really needed was someone to let him know they understand what its like, and show him the right way to go about doing it. He has come to the decision that it may be too late with this girl, that he may never get on her good side again, but he wants to write her an apology card. I agreed, this may be a good thing to do, and I will help him.

Its funny how much this AYD really does leak into my home life. It has completely changed the way I think about kids, as well as myself. I will admit that I have been raised to be an adultist, but I am learning my way out of it as well. Its a long road, but I am working toward the end of it.