I am (not?) my hair...

Yesterday, I went to program with my hair out. Its HUGE right now. Of course, Saturday, I had an audition, and its common to have your hair the same way for the audition that you have it styled in your headshots, and because my hair is pretty versatile right now, my headshots were taken with the big hair. Of course, it can always be pulled back, so I have a smaller shot on the resume' side showing that. Its been kinda rainy and humid around here these past few days, so I thought nothing of just letting the fro go until the weather dried up. yesterday was another rainy day, and because I don't really cover my hair in the rain (its just hair...and its just rain. They go well together), and it just got bigger as the day went along.

I must admit,it felt good to not having to pull it back or up and out of the way.

When my students walked into the room (only 1 of our returners came yesterday, so it was all of the new girls), they all reacted in some way. Of course, I had prepared for that, and made sure I didn't make a big deal of it. We make sure that when they walk in, the focus is on them, not us. So I would just comment quickly, and change the subject to something about them.

One girl had a big reaction..."OH WOOOOW"....I said "yeah. How are you? How was your weekend?", quickly changing the subject. She couldn't stop gawking at it. It was a little uncomfortable, but I didn't sit and think about that much, I had students to tend to.

As the day went on, she began making comments about my hair. "Who did your hair?" I did. "What did you do to it?" I just wet it, added a little bit of product. But it gets curly with water.

And then she said "Girl please...those are tracks. I mean, its cute, but those are tracks".

Right then, I wanted to breathe hellfire on this child and shut her up. Like, seriously...for real? Tracks? For real?

Now, I have seen some really cute weave/track styles around here...and right now, everyone does want the curly fro style, so they add the tightly coiled tracks and pull the curls apart...so I can see how she'd confuse me with this. However, our lone returning student told her that it was my real hair. She then asked me again if it were tracks, and I told her no, you can scratch my scalp and everything (not that I'd really let her though).

She kept going on and on about the tracks, and I actually had to turn my back on this girl, because I was really getting angry about this. Then she asked my co-worker about my hair, the one Ive been working with for almost 2 years now. "What did you think when you first saw Miz Rayawwwwna's tracks?" "That's her real hair..."...I later found out that co-worker had heard her talking about these 'tracks' all day, but never realized she was talking about me, and found it funny.

I am very protective about my hair. I tell people to please ask before touching it, because it bothers me when you just stick your hands all up there. I don't let people 'play' in my hair. I believe it comes from losing it to cancer treatments...and then being so scared when it grew back.

Something no one knows (this is my first time ever admitting it)...my doctor told me to cut my hair off after one of my locs came out in my hands. I was already in radiation, and it was breaking down the keratin in my body. I had nails that fell off, and my nose and ears bruised easily, feeling mushy even. I had known for a few weeks that my hair would be next...he said I may no go chemo bald, but I should expect to lose hair.

I made it sound like I was wrestling with cutting off my hair...I guess, looking back, I really was. I didn't want to do it, not at all. When I finally got the nerve together, I went to Dwight and had him cover the mirror as he cut my locs off. I still have a small handful around here, in a bag. For the first few weeks, when things were ugly and uneven, I wore scarves, exclusively. I was so ashamed of having no hair.

When I finally did reveal it, I got a few shocked glances...but that was it. Mind you, I was still in college at the time, and a few of my girlfriends had all just shaved their heads too, but for fashionable/personal reasons. I guess everyone just thought I was going along with the trend, and honestly, that was cool with me. I didn't have to explain this to anyone, not even my roommate. Basically, I allowed my silence/indecision on the matter to lie for me, and not let anyone know what was going on with me.

I had to think about why this girl's comment about tracks made me so angry, and I think that's it! It took me so long (4 years almost to the day) to get my hair back to where I am completely comfortable with it. For someone to insist that it was fake offended me completely. Did she know that? No. Would I let her know? Absolutely.

I also had to think about her and her situation. Was she really making fun of me, or was she admiring me in her own 7th grade way? Both are possible, but I am choosing to see it the latter way. She is a young lady who is maybe 12, trying to fit in, trying to be cool. She doesn't have alot of hair, and usually just wears hers back in a ponytail, nothing fancy, nothing special. Her environment tells her that if you want long hair, or hair that is big and puffy, you buy it and sew it in. She is just coming to me from her own experiences. She may or may not think she's cute (one of her shout outs yesterday was to herself "Because she's pretty"...we find that many of them stress their looks when they are actually very insecure about them, as a false sense of security), and may think I am the opposite of what her personal thoughts of 'cute' are.

By the end of the day, I had calmed down. As we walked out of the classroom to our closet when we put all of our materials for the night, somehow I realized that she and I were ahead of the rest of the group. I told her quietly "It hurts my feelings when people comment on my hair being fake. I used to have cancer, and didn't have any hair, and it took a long time for it to get this long. So it really hurt my feelings when you kept saying that." Her mouth dropped open wide, and she didn't say anything. I told her "see you tomorrow", and smiled.

I shared this with my co-workers in debrief, and explained that I don't know if she really listened to my whole statement, or stopped listening at the word cancer...but they assured me, she heard it.

I never really thought I'd ever be so touchy about my hair...ah well...

Until next time...

Is it just me?

Quite a few things have been going on in my life this past week or so...nothing huge or life threatening...but now that things have calmed down, I figured I'd share.

My alma mater (Eastern Michigan University) ran this mess right here, and I had to be a whistle blower on it. I mean, I was APPALLED when I saw it! I wrote an e-mail to the editor of the paper, editor of the comics section and CC'd the University President, as well as the president of the alumni association, Black Alumni Assn., Center for Multi-Cultural Affairs, Diversity Involvement (I used to work in that office at school), Black Student Union, Campus NAACP, as well as the Channel 7 news (who's website you have been referenced to). I received a response from the comics editor, basically citing "freedom of speech", and that I should submit a letter to the editor, to be featured in an upcoming issue of the Echo. Also, he apologized to me...blah blah blah. I am an ALUM!! I appreciate his concerns for my feelings, but what about the rest of the students on campus, who this will actually affect? I let them know in my letter,

"Though I am no longer on campus, I can only imagine the tension this will cause. I am wondering how this racially charged comic was chosen to represent the artist on that day, and why it was then chosen to be displayed publicly. Hopefully, this will not cause so much tension on campus that violence will be the result, but I am more than certain that there will be demonstrations and protests. Please plan accordingly. This is not a threat in any way, but even from here in the Washington, D.C. area, I can see that the result of this posting will not turn out well.

I am hoping that the advisory team and editors of the Echo will use better judgment when it comes to publishing content in the Echo."

The response:

"We realize some readers found the comic offensive, however, we feel the message contained within was worthy of publication. The message in the comic was that symbols people find morally reprehensible, like the kkk and nooses in trees, are adored by a select few, and that same select few assign sentimental attachment to things no sensible person would. The joke is at the sheer absurdity of the situation and directed at the klansmen within it. Therefore, we apologize to those whose sensibilities were offended, but we reserve the right to publish opinions and ideas that might be considered offensive to some in the interest of furthering open and public discourse.
I encourage you to write a letter-to-the-editor to be published in an upcoming issue. Here is the address of our Opinions Editor..."

Okay...so I get the point. However, most of the students on campus are not going to look into the 'point' or 'message'...they will see 'the picture' and GO OFF! They will see Klan hoods and nooses, and TRIP! Honestly, I have to admit that it took a few looks before I even saw the point. I happen to know that the BSU met this past Sunday night, and are probably already laying on floors, drawing out their posters of protest, working closely with the NAACP to figure out the best plan for the day.

Whew.
I am not a political person, at all. But I could not sit back and let this one go!



Facebook. And Dr. Sistagirl. She sees me wanting to mother/sister/friend/counsel so many in my life...which is why I can't focus on myself and my household. She asked me how many friends I have on Facebook...1274. No...I'm not super popular. I got on Facebook back in 2006, when it first started, and was for college students. I was also the President of my organization at the time, and we used Facebook for all of our advertisements at the time, so all of our members befriended EVERYONE we knew on campus, even if it were just by face. We'd then send mass invites, and always kept a crowd at our events. Over the years, I have gained friends in real life, on MySpace, from shows that I've been in, etc., etc. I just never got rid of any of them on Facebook.

So...I had to make some cuts. I don't need to know all of these folks business, folks I haven't seen in years, folks I have NEVER spoken to...even folks who live next door, but we don't speak on the regular. As I type this, I am down to 675 friends...and still cutting. My goal is to get down to 400 or less...which is not easy. Shoot, it wasn't easy cutting those that I already have...but I already see a difference. I have to find other things to keep my mind on...Ive started 2 new craft projects, I just finished a flower girl basket for a friend's wedding, and am finishing another book. More time to focus on bettering me...rather than taking in everyone else's drama.

I auditioned for a new play this weekend. I also participated in a page to stage reading (basically, reading the play from the script...often used to try newly written plays out on audiences, to get reactions). I LOVE being an actress, and hope that I can continue being a performer.

I am also back in program regularly with my students. We only had 5 girls return from past years, and so far have 6 new girls, with room for 7 more. Getting to know these new girls has been a challenge, because the returning girls expect the same attention they have always gotten from the staff. In the past, we knew all of their personalities, and were able to balance out the attention...but in learning the new girls, this is kind of hard...and no one wants to be patient and wait it out. But wait, this is middle school--who has time to be patient? lol...I will admit though...I still love it.

So.
There you have it. My life in a nutshell for the past week or so. I am preparing a natural hair blog for a faithful reader, and knitting a gray winter hat for another. I appreciate you guys for your support, your reads, your comments. Thanks for hanging in there with me. Let me know if there is anything I can address for you...even if its just some random question. I need things to focus on, and I certainly don't mind you being one of them...hmm...am I contradicting the whole Facebook deletion thing? Nah...there aren't 1200 of you. Ask away!

Til next time...

Back to School has come and gone...

and I'm still waiting to begin work.

Well...let me backtrack. I'm 'working'...but in the office. We haven't started the afterschool program just yet, so I haven't met this years' students. We ended up with 10 students (out of the 18 we began with), and of those, 4 of them were 8th graders who graduated from our program, and (Thankfully) went to high school. Of the 6, we believe that 5 are returning, as one moved to another school district. Which means that we now have 13 slots for new girls....WHEW. This will not be easy!

As for my own kiddios, this year has been quite interesting. Q had a hard time last year...wait...hard time my butt, he was downright lazy, and we weren't sure he was going to make it out of 8th grade. I went to conferences, talked to counselors, helped with projects, etc., but he just wasn't getting the grades we expected.

Then I realized that Its wasn't me, it was HIM. He was being lazy! I couldn't sit in class and do the work for him; couldn't do his homework; couldn't be there at school to tell him to turn the work in. These were all things he was supposed to be doing. But...he just wasn't...had no reason for it,just wasn't.

So when April came around, and he was in danger of failing (and I received that retention letter from the school district), I told him I was washing my hands of the situation. If he wanted to be back at the same middle school next year, wearing that same blue shirt, that was fine with me. It took me a minute to get there, but I was resolved to be okay with my son being an 8th grader AGAIN. I wasn't happy with it, but if this is how he's gonna learn his lesson...

It turns out though, that maybe my letting go was what he needed. I wasn't there to hold his hand, to push him through. He actually applied himself and JUST BARELY made it out of 8th grade. We won't even speak on his grade point average, because Yes, it was shameful...he wanted to apply to go to the high school around the corner that has an amazing Arts program...but you had to meet the minimum GPA before you could even apply. So much for that.

So, all he was left with was our neighborhood school...which is a military academy. All students are enrolled in the Army JROTC program. Everyday, they are in full regalia and uniform. They are called by last names, and he is currently a Cadet. We had to shave his locs (boy, was he upset about that!), to comply with uniform regulations. (Actually, I took him to his first day of a 3 day orientation...they told him that first morning "we don't want to see your 'hair' tomorrow"). He was angry all summer about how he didn't want to go to this school because he didn't want to be yelled at everyday. I explained that "Its not boot camp, its high school", but he still wasn't having it, even though all of his neighborhood friends go there, and tried to tell him.

He just left a couple of minutes ago, beginning his third week of school. I have already noticed a change in him. He dresses in his uniform everyday, pants at his waist, uniform pressed by the cleaners, tie tight, shoes shined, belt just right, name tag and ID perfectly placed. He comes home everyday, sits at the table, DOES HIS HOMEWORK, even helps his sister when she needs it. He's still my 14 year old, but has somehow found something within himself to motivate himself. I had to let him know that I'd be here, but he is now 14...a high schooler, a teenager. I expect him to take care of business, but I also expect him to find himself. He needs a social life, he needs responsibility and he needs obligation. I think he is beginning to find all of this in this high school. Though he needs to find something to do after school now (because he's NOT coming back to my house to get in trouble! I''m not having that!). He's not really a 'sports' guy, so a sports team may not be for him, but there are clubs and things he can get into...

This is my firstborn. He's now 14 and taller than me, but I'm watching him grow into Himself. Its got a wow-factor that is sometimes overwhelming, especially as a single mom. I have to be honest, I'm starting to get scared, because now we are really coming into manhood, and I have no idea of what to do! When my brothers went through this, I wasn't really around, so I don't remember my parents examples. Dre moved to Texas with his biological father, and I was off doing my own teenage thing when Kemper was going through this (plus, he had just found out about his diabetes...so that took up most of his teen years, learning how to deal with that). The plan is to ask lots of advice, and to have the willing men and fathers from my church there to help guide him...but in the end, I am still momma. He is still 100% dependent on me, though he is learning how to gain his own independence. He is feeling out the world for himself, and instead of me reaching out to pull his hand back from the fire, I have to bite my lip, and allow him to scorch his own hand a bit. Its not easy (on my part or his...he's already shown me blisters that I have to take care of), but I am determined to help him be there best young adult he can be.

If I wasn't crazy enough before...

I will be shortly.

So...here I am, for the first time in my life, feeling helpless because of SNOW. After spending most of my life in Michigan, I was happy to give away my snow pants and shovels, and pack up my things to move to DC and Maryland.

Last Thursday, I got off work, and headed home, feeling confident that my deep freezer was full of food, and that the gallon and a half of milk in the fridge would hold us through this so called 'snow storm' we were about to get. Now, I have been here almost 2 years, and I had seen what they called snow storms around these parts. To Michiganders, those were days that the kids got excited and begged to go out and play. I'm sure you all remember the day DC schools got cancelled, and President Obama laughed about it publically. Nationally, even. That's what I'm talkin about, that's what I expected.

But no.

We got the NorEasterElNinoSlamDunk of all snowstorms.

And for the first day, I was cool. No biggie. (This was friday)

Then Saturday came. The local news was playing ALL DAY. NON-STOP. No commercials, no news breaks about personal interest stories, no soap operas, nothin! All snowstorm coverage, all traffic (or lack there-of). And to be honest, the NBC Local News 4 did a great job, because I was throughly enthused-them cats were quite entertaining!

Then Sunday came. No church (though a conference call service was held-how cool is that?!?) News was still saying dont drive if you mustn't. I saw firetrucks and ambulances with snow tires and chains on the wheels STUCK in the snow! Now, I can drive in snow...but I wasn't about to go anywhere!

Not only that, but I clown folks regularly for making a big fuss over a little bit of snow. See, here in MD, they aren't used to more than a couple inches of snow, so they dont have the proper equipment to handle it. Only a few thousand plow trucks, a few hundred tons of salt...stuff like that. Residents don't know how to drive in this stuff, because they usually don't have to.

Which makes me afraid.

Read again.

Now, I can drive in snow...but I wasn't about to go anywhere! Residents don't know how to drive in this stuff, because they usually don't have to.

THESE FOLKS CAINT DRIVE IN SNOW!!!

So annyway...

Monday comes along, and I finally go out on my steps to see the damage. The plow trucks have come through my apartment complex...and there is a 6ft tall mountain of snow blocking my car in. Not to mention the 3 feet on top of the car, and on the ground around Whitey Ford as well.

I used my neighborhood, friendly soundboard to make my plea for help (Facebook saves the day once again!)...screaming about my cabin fever, lack of fruit, milk and cereal. Luckily, an adventurous few made their way through the snow towards me (clowning me all the way, might I add...YES, this snow DID get the best of me! I can admit it) and brought me my staples, and shoveled me out of Antarctica. Thanks God for folks with serving hearts and adrenalin!

Today, I made my way out into the element, using my 16 years of driving through Michigan winter skills, filled up Whitey Ford's tank and went to the grocery store. That took a total of 3 hours from start to finish, with 5 of those minutes being filling the tank, a total of 15 minutes driving, and another 25 actually shopping. (The grocery store is a quarter of a mile from my house). So, if you're doing the math, you realize that I spent 2 hours and 15 minutes in the parking lot of the grocery store. Confucius told Nostradamus that 2012 was coming early, along with Armageddon, The Day After Tomorrow and Deep Impact...all they needed was the Book of Eli (shout out to my favorite disaster, end of the world movies).

Got home safely. Praise God for that.

I have been emailing back and forth with my supervisors, AYDExtroidanaire and The Songstress...talking about how the girls are gonna be once program begins again later this week...

And I get an email stating "See you Thursday(?!)", meaning that DC public school are closed AGAIN tomorrow (as they were today and Monday). So, I go to the website for my own kids school district.

And I saw what has given me an extra 36 beautiful and luxurious gray hairs.


My kids are out of school until NEXT TUESDAY.

That means we will have been stuck together, in this house for a full 12 days. 12 "Wii playing, house cleaning, do your homework again, read all of the Harry Potter Books and watch the movies too, you'd better recycle those clothes because Im not taking them to the laundromat in this snow" days.

If I wasn't crazy enough before...I will be shortly.

Y'all...pray for me.





or better yet,
pray for the kiddios.


~mommayonna

The Butterfly Effect

Good morning (or day, whenever it is that you get a chance to read this). Its a great day to be alive, oh yes, it is. Clearly, the sun is peeking through my mini-blinds, and I'm in a great mood!

First things first, I had to change things up around here, and got myself a new background, and some different colors...and they make me smile. I have a 'thing' for argyle right now, and purple being my favorite color, I just could not go wrong with this one. That and the fact that the youth in the background made my day! What do you think?

So, yesterday, Deputy Director and I went to an AYD reunion. Basically, anyone who went to an AYD training within the past year or so was invited back to check in, network, and be re-inspired about the work that us youth workers do. And BOY, was it inspiring.

The creator of the AYD Curriculum was there, and she explained how and why she came to write it, and then how she worked to get it to us. She ended up teaching the first 3 or 4 AYD trainings in the same church basement that I took my training in, the same one we were sitting in yesterday, 10 years ago. Boy, the effects those trainings had on the metro DC area!

Then, a wonderful family therapist (among a laundry list of other titles she carries,) Adrienne Noel of Baltimore, MD, served as our keynote speaker, explaining that the way a family communicates with one another is the way that they will act out their lives in society.

The way that she broke down our sample family made so much sense! I know that not only did I see these exact examples in some of my students families, but in my own as well.

For example:

*A woman refers to "My Baby's Father", and her teenaged daughter referring to her own "My baby's daddy". The daughter takes note from her own mother on how to 'show respect' to the father of her child, in giving him this title.

*Son of the family being called "Lil Man" as he is growing up, and then the pressures that are put on him prematurely, in order to live up to the moniker. (The same would apply, I feel, in a case of a little girl being called "Lil Mama")

*The way that parenting styles are carried out, especially between parents and offspring that are less than 20 years in age apart. How its usually one way (I'm the parent, children are to speak when spoken to, hard core discipline) or the other (I'm my childs best friend/we talk about EVERYTHING, but why won't they take my discipline seriously) and being able to find a balance, or not.

I also learned that the way that I communicate with my students can change their whole family. When I 'have a moment' with my girls (usually a disciplinary action, where we ask a disruptive student to take a moment in the hall, and we go and speak to them about it individually), I have to make sure that they understand why I have asked them to step out, realize what they did wrong, and how we can avoid this in the future. But I also have to make sure that they know I care about them; that I am not making judgement calls about them; that they are Important to Me, that I care enough to notice their actions, and that I see where they can improve and where I can offer my help. In most cases, if the student is comfortable with me, I make sure I hug them at the end of our conversation, because I want them to know that what I have said to them is genuine; I DO care about my girls, and want them to succeed. I also know that sometimes, these may be the only hugs that they get, for whatever reason, and this small amount of nurturing will go a long way.

I make sure that they know exactly how I feel about them (in the positive light). I remember telling one of my students just the other day, that I know she is a respectful young lady. She has two sisters in the program with her, and in listening to them speak, I know that they have been taught to resolve conflicts on a one on one basis. They actually use the term 'conflict resolution' in their everyday conversation! I let her know that I KNOW you have been taught this, that she knows how it works, but maybe we should try approaching it in a different way. Then I just told her plainly "I pay attention to you, what you do and what you say. You are an amazing person, but even amazing people have bad moments; let's work through this and get back to having amazing moments ." We went on to talk about getting past the issue, and getting back on track. Then I gave her a hug, and told her that I was glad she was in the program, and that she is so important to me, and why I am here (in the program). Then I sent her back into the classroom. Later on that day, the staff member that she had the conflict with gave her a shout out (which is a BIG DEAL to our students) for coming to her and solving the conflict on her own. I could do nothing but smile to know that Middle Sister had gone to the staff member on her own, and taken care of this in a quiet, inconspicuous manner, and that all was well in her world.

In turn, Middle Sister will now take this information she has just gathered back to her household. She will think about how she deals with someone, and this will pass along to the rest of her siblings, possibly even her parents. If so, I have done an effective job of youth development...for the day.

Youth development is ongoing, its constant. Youth are never fully developed. there are always teachable moments, just as there will always be learning moments. I am glad to have people and resources in my life that understand that, and are willing to teach and learn.

Anti-Prevention and Ask MommaYonna

So...today, we will talk about prevention programs. I'm sure you know of some...like DARE (anti-drug use), violence prevention programs, suicide prevention, sexual abuse/activity prevention...blah blah blah. I am not here to say that these things are good or bad; shoot, I was able to experience a number of these programs in my youth. You get alot of information out of these, and for some, the scare tactics actually work (...on kids who have been sheltered from these type of events, on a regular basis). But for many of our youth (and when I say Our, I mean my own, as well as the students I teach, who live in more urban areas, in close quarters with many people, and in metropolitan areas, where the rates of domestic crimes are high)these preventative programs just barely gloss over the facts that they see on a daily basis.

There is an assertion out there that 'problem free is not fully prepared', and I agree with this statement. When we try to "fix" our youth, we sell the young people short, and diminish our expectations for their achievement. We can do our best to teach them, and try to prevent high risk behaviors, but even if we achieve in doing so, its not the same as preparing them for the future. "Preparation requires an equal commitment to helping youth understand life's challenges and responsibilities and to teach youth the necessary skills for success."* Just because we are teaching the youth how to stay away and prevent issues from happening, we aren't fully preparing them for adulthood. They aren't going to "make it" in the world, just because they didn't get pregnant, join a crew/gang, or because they didn't use drugs; they learned prevention--not skills, knowledge or personal attributes. Developing the youth towards positive developmental outcomes really is the best strategy for problem prevention. It takes dedicated adults to do this. We have to help them strive for toward more positive goals that promote the skills and motivation they need to adopt and implement healthy lifestyles.

What does that mean?
I try my best to not tell a girl "Don't go out and have sex, you'll get pregnant, and that will be the end of life as you know it". Not only is this negative, but its flat out unlikely. How many teenaged mothers do you know of that still live a teenaged life? Still go to school, still hang with friends, still go on to college or get a job? True, life is different, because they have to come home to more responsibilities than a girl who doesn't have a child, but with some many multi-generational homes, there is most likely someone there who is taking up the slack for the youth. No one want to let the baby suffer, so everyone pitches in, in some way. Instead, I encourage her to think about other things; I ask questions to find out what they are thinking about, which in turn, gets them to discuss what they see, feel and think. I go out of my way to NOT make statements of judgement, because I know that I am an influence in their lives, and my personal feelings and opinions can change the way that they see me, but also their world. I also try not to share too much of my personal life experience in this matter, because that is subconsciously telling them my personals again...feelings and opinions. "Ms. Rayawwwwna didn't have sex at my age because she wasn't ready...I wonder what she thinks of me, because I was. Maybe I shouldn't talk about this with her anymore" would be the thoughts going through my students' mind, and I would lose the trust of a student, something that would hurt me dearly, since the safety and security that I strive to provide may not be readily available within their familial units, and I would have lost them right then and there.

Basically, with prevention programs, the young people are deemed competent and healthy when they do not participate in problem behaviors. This teaches them what not to do, but this does not teach them what they should do.

Woo.
Yeah. I've found myself being more and more critical of these programs here lately, because my son, Q, has been having alot of these types of programs being introduced in his middle school. Many times, he doesn't know it, but I get the reminder phone calls from school, and emails from teachers, asking for our participation. As a parent, this prompts me to bring things of this nature up in general conversation, as opposed to "You' aren't using drugs are you?", which of course he would deny (even if he were) out of fear of judgement and punishment. Instead, when its brought up in general conversation, he may feel more comfortable asking questions and discussing what he does know. At that time, I do my best to answer factually, and unbiased, no matter how I am feeling about it on the inside. Personal opinions must go out the window, unless he asks, and sometimes, even in that case, I still try to keep it to a minimum. YES, ITS HARD, but he is a youth in development as well!


Okay folks...
I'm getting long winded (as folks tend to do when they feel certain passion over a subject), so I'm going to cut it short here. But I do want to know what you think. Please comment, discuss, ask questions-whatever you feel comfortable doing. Also, should you have a question, or a situation you'd like to present to me, please do so at Momma.Yonna@yahoo.com, and I will do my best to help you out. Now, I am not the end-all/be-all when it comes to youth development (I'm still learning), but maybe I can offer a suggestion or some insight that will help you out. Then again, maybe I will end up learning from you. Let's find out together, eh?



*Advancing Youth Development: A Curriculum for Training Youth Workers, Handout 1-C, Key Youth Development Concepts and Assertions

Woo! Training out the window!

WOO!
WOOSAH even!

Today we took the students on a field trip...by the way, if you're in the DC area, the Spy Museum is free on the last Wednesday of every month.

Anyway, a field trip is always an interesting experience, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always unpredictable. We met the students outside of their school to make it easier for us to get there, since the bus stop is just across the street from school. We always provide them with a snack when program begins for the day, so I had the snack bag and was ready. I made sure they signed into program, gave them a snack, told them to make sure they stayed near us, do not throw your wrappers on the ground, etc. Of course, we were right where all of the other students could come and heckle and haggle, including a few former students of our program. One of them decided she wanted to cuss up a storm in front of us, and slap some of our students, since she is no longer in our program and technically, we can't do anything to her. Then she commences stealing my favorite pen (which we used at sign in...the students know its my favorite pen, and have a fit when I don't know who has it)...I ask "who has my purple pen, who has my purple pen?"...Former student speaks up about a minute later..."________ has it", and I look over and see _____picking it up off the ground to give to me. I ask her if she had had the pen all along, she tells me no, and I told her I believed her. _____is the quiet and shy type, and isn't one to throw a pen on the ground, much less keep the pen. Ugh. Anyway, former student was obviously trying to find some attention from the staff, since she wasn't getting it from the students (except the ones she slapped...I had to go calm down one of my girls who went after her). Moving on.

We take the bus downtown, and for the most part, that was nice, easy, uneventful, and complaint free. Just the way I like things.

We get off the bus and have to walk from 7th and Pennsylvania to 9th and H...not a far walk at all...but the complaints begin. "I didn't know we would be walking forever. I wanna stop at Starbucks, why can't we stop at Starbucks? (Do YOU have Starbucks money?) Why do we always take field trips to museums? Why can't yall ever take us to Kings Dominion?" After about...5 to 10 minutes of this, I asked aloud "Does anyone plan to continue complaining? I'd like to know right now who I need to tune out for the rest of the day". I mean REALLY. This is a FREE program. We feed you. We pay your bus fare. We make sure you get into these things. We make sure we have permission slips. We provide everything you need. You are not required to do anything but get your permission slip signed, bring it back, show up on time and participate. How hard is that?

To certain 6th, 7th and 8th graders, it seems to be the end of the world.

We get to the spy museum, and realize that 95.5 WPGC is there for the day, so of course, the girls get excited. They listen to this radio station, and know the DJ who is making the appearance. They take pictures, and are given goodie bags full of candy.

We then begin making our way through the museum. We let them know that it is now 4:10, we need to meet in the gift shop at 5. True, we don't have alot of time (now that your complaining behinds have taken 15 minutes to walk what should have been 5 minutes), so lets make the best of the time we do have. And for the most part, they did enjoy what they saw. At 5, we congregated in the gift shop, and people were looking around. We were then ushered into the cafe, where WPGC bought the girls (doggit, not the staff) lunches. A mini turkey sandwich, a cookie and some chips, pre-packaged, with a bottle of water to go with.

THESE INGRATEFUL HEFFAS DECIDED IT WASNT GOOD ENOUGH. ONE STORMED OUT, TOSSING HERS IN THE GARBAGE IN FRONT OF THE SPONSORS! ugh.

They complained halfway down the street. Some of them didn't get a water bottle, and were complaining that they were thirsty (they were so busy complaining, that they didn't see the table with the waters on it).

Then, they asked "Miz Rayawwwwna, wha's wrong witchu?"

"I cannot believe how yall just acted in there. I am embarrassed and cannot believe how ingrateful you all just showed yourselves to be. Just for future reference, if you all do not like the kinds of trips we go on, or the services we provide, you don't have to come or participate."

Yeah. I said it. I let loose my personal feelings on them. I even told one girl that if my kids would have acted like that, they would have gotten a public beating.

That was me. At about 5:30 this afternoon.

I am not at all proud of my attitude with them. And when I see them again on Monday (we dont have program tomorrow or Friday) I will have to give a public apology, for being upset and taking it out on them.

Except for a few that I truly was tuning out (for constant complaining) the bus ride back to the recreation center was pleasant. But my attitude had not changed.

I never said I was perfect. I am human. I try to do my best to do what is well and good, and what is expected of a person in my position, but I foul up just like the next person. Had we have been in our classroom, I would have been able to "take a moment" (excusing myself from the classroom to get my feelings together) but in this case, I could not. I took it out on them instead.

I am not infallible. I am a work in progress...I need a hard hat and caution tape. Bear with me, please.

Not only a teacher...

So...when people ask me what I do, I have to admit...I have a hard time explaining it to them. Yes, I teach. But no, I didn't go to school to be a teacher. Well...not in the sense that other 'teachers' did. I never took curriculum, I'm not certified and have never taken any state administered exam. I cannot and do not work for any school board/administration/school system. I did, however, go to school to teach children. Middle and high schoolers, in particular.

I DO teach my students...don't get me wrong. They have learned more about theatre and stage design within the past 7 months than they ever thought they would want to. However, I am more satisfied with the fact that I teach them that I care. Ms. Rayona (or as they say it, Mizz Rayawwwwna...that Souf-eas' DC accent makes a difference!) actually cares about them. I ask them "Hey girl, how you be?" (excuse the language, while it isn't proper, it is perfect to their dialect), and I stand and wait for the response. Those who choose to, converse with me, until the next friend comes in with something else to keep their minds on. Those who decide not to know that I am here, and will be when they decide to open up.

The thing these students...girls...want most from us is attention. Period. That is what they seek at this age. Whether it be in good ways or not, they are all seeking to have their needs met. And in most cases, my students are not getting this at home, and most definitely not at school. So, it is my job to give it to them, even if it is only for 2 minutes a day. I have to remind myself to greet them each by name, and speak to them about something personal. "Ooh girl, those earrings are too cute...when you gon' let me borrow 'em?" "So...I see you smiling...did you see your boo today?" Whatever it may be, I need to meet this need for this specific child, otherwise, she is going to slip through the cracks, and will seek her attention somewhere else, more than likely, in a not so positive place.

Sometimes, with only 3 staff members and 18 students, they do slip through, and we don't get a chance to greet them all. We end up paying for it later though, when they decide to act out. They choose to do whatever it is that is going to get our attention, as well as everyone else in the classroom. True, it may get them sent out of the room, but isn't that what they want? We tell them to go 'take a moment', which means 'go out into the hallway, calm down for a few, and I will be out there to speak to you shortly'. Of course, the rest of their peers see this, and are watching intently to see what will happen...trying to find out what buttons can be pushed, how far the staff will go before getting upset, etc. Anyway, out in the hallway, we ask them why they think they were sent out, what did they do wrong if anything, and how can the problem be solved in the future.

This one on one time is what they crave, no matter how much eye rolling they do, or how much attitude they give. I am learning to be sensitive to this, no matter how disrespected I felt (the reason I send students out, mostly). I let them know that I will not and cannot stand to be disrespected, especially when I go out of my way to treat everyone fairly, and give them respect. I let them know that I appreciate them as a person, I think they are important, and I know they had a bad moment/day/time; that I can forgive, and that we can move forward. This is what they need to hear, and that is what I am here to let them know. If they are comfortable, I offer a hug to honestly show that I am harboring no hard feelings...and usually a closer connection is born from there.

So I wear many hats. Not only am I a teacher, but truly a nurturer, an attention giver, a forgiver and a mentor. I am a youth development worker, plain and simple.

Now...if I can remember that as much as they do.

Well, hello you!

Hey there!

So, I decided that I missed the blogging world, and since I didn't wanna traipse back over to the world of DramaSpace, I chose to begin life again here. And yay for you finding me!

I am...the mother of 3 beautiful and challenging Kiddios...Q, the 13 year old 8th grader who's barely taller than me, but still quite respectful (for the time being); J, 11 and insecure, a 6th grader who deals with alot of issues internally; and Bean, the 8 year old wonder, who is in 3rd grade, and is the worlds greatest social butterfly.

I also work for a non-profit org her in the DC Metro region, where I teach drama/stage design/basic life skills to 6th, 7th and 8th grade girls in a low income area, who go to a school that really should be shut down. Not only because of the structure of the building, but because of the structure of their education. They are just barely making the cut, but its not their fault. They dont understand this, because it is all they know. Honestly, this is my dream job, and while it is challenging, I couldn't be happier with what I do.

Also, in my personal life, I am learning to deal with depression. I have had alot of huge changes within my life this past year, from graduating college and moving far away, to losing my beloved father this past June.

So...put all of that together, and you get me. Yonna. A momma, AYD (advanced youth development) worker, and overall crazy lady. This should be fun, seeing how the 3 cross paths (as they do, on the daily, BELIEVE ME!) Glad to see that you're willing to take the ride with me!