The kiddios and I spent Thanksgiving with my mom up in MI. It was a nice holiday (the exception being that I realized I'm allergic to mom's dog, the ONLY dog Ive ever liked in this world).
Of course, kids being kids, there were many opportunities to flex my AYD at Home skills. I mean, when you put 2 adults and 3 kids in a VERY small 2 bedroom apartment, things get really close, really quick.
I realized though, that the AYD works when my mom and I were having a conversation with Q. He was having an issue with Bean and she came out of the room, feelings hurt because he told her "I'm starting to hate you now". So of course, I had to have a conversation with them both.
I explained that first of all, words CAN hurt a person. That I think I understood what Q meant, but I don't think Bean did. There's no secret in our house that everyone really does (down deep) love each other, but that siblings annoy one another. That's kind of part of being a sibling, especially a younger one. The younger sib tests the patience of the older. But the way that the older expresses that annoyance effects the situation. I asked Q if I told him that I was starting to hate him, would his feelings be hurt? He said yes. I asked him if I told him he was getting on my nerves, would his feeling be hurt in the same way; he said nope, that doesn't hurt him, he just knows to back off. Then he got my point.
My mom then explained that in dealing with the kiddios, I talk to them, not at them. We discuss what our issues are, and I ask them for alternatives. I ask for and value their opinions, and listen to them, treating them with respect. She said that I treat them like young people, not little kids.
That was my AHA moment.
Someone else saw what I was trying to do.
I feel like this really is working, and its worth something.