busy bee, happy new year to me!

yep, once again, I've been slackin!  To bring you up to date (QUICKLY), I am in the process of:
finding a new home

• going full time in my formerly part time position
• talked my cousin (who cancelled her wedding, in a panic) into having her wedding anyway, and making sure she calls her Maid Of Honor (=me) if she decides to panic again
• deciding what schools my kids should go to, since we're switching mid-year and all.

So, my bad for being lazy, but I haven't forgotten.  I'm making major moves here!  I'll be back soon.  Thanks for being so patient with me!

~yonna

Boredom Breeds (a repost from MySpace)

Hola.
I was going through some of my MySpace blogs from back in the day (while was in college), and came across this one, which I remember so vividly. Take a look:

May 15, 2007 - Tuesday

Boredom Breeds...literally, in this case
Current mood: distressed
So for the past week, I haven't been around, as you may or may not have noticed, because I was in Idlewild, Michigan, performing my play "The Colored Museum". We take a play from Eastern Michigan University up there every summer, in hopes of helping to revitalize this once booming Black Community back into what it was in its heyday.

After one of the shows, I was speaking to an beautiful elderly woman (her silver hair was so shiny and neat...I hope my gray hair turns out as beautifully regal as hers did), and she told me how much she liked the show, but she didn't think that very many people understood it. The play is a satirical account of the black experience in America...it has funny moments, but was written to make black folks uncomfortable enough that they think about their own lives (If you've never heard of it, look it up. "The Colored Museum" by George C. Wolfe)

You see, Idlewild is based in Lake County, Michigan...the poorest county in the state. That means that unemployment rates are high, and not many folks go to, or have gone to college. We come there, trying to persuade the high school students to get out of there, and see the world-through college first. We do this by offering a workshop a few weeks before we get there, and then even having some of the high school students work on our show as interns. One of the girls who interned for us 3 years ago just finished her freshman year at EMU, and we are so proud of her.

Anyway...this woman and I were chatting about how the we changed some of the language in the play, to make it more PG than the PG13 it had been before...and she told me that her favorite scene was one where a man was throwing out all of his childhood items, because he had to conform to society...but the boy inside of him was torn over the issue. The boy said "you can't forget your past...its always there with you", and it made a great impact on this woman. She went on and on about it, but was disappointed that not too many others 'got it'. Then she went on to ask me what the high schoolers thought of it, since we did a private show for them. I told her that they laughed through most of it, since it was funny, but they didn't really understand most of it...with the exception of a scene called "Permutations"...a scene about a teenage girl, who had sex with the garbage man, and instead of having a baby, she laid an egg, and then had to defend herself from her mother.

This was sad, but true. Many times last week, my fellow actors and I spoke on how boring being in Idlewild was. There was nothing to do, nowhere to go, nothing to see. No cable to watch. Cell phones barely had any service. The nearest McDonalds was a half hour away, and the highlight of their week was driving a half hour to the nearest WalMart. The high school kids really had nothing better to do than lay down and get pregnant, so that they'd have something to do...if you have a baby to take care of, you're not bored anymore!

The woman and I stood there discussing this for a few minutes. I told her that we do our best to set a good example, and try to encourage them to come to college...she said that's great of us to do, but it won't work. Their mommas don't want them to leave...if a child leaves, that mean less money from the government. If that child stays and has a baby, that's more money. She said that in most households around there, you had 5 generations living in one house, the oldest being 65, then 45, then 30, then 15, and newborn. (Sad, isn't it?) And all because they know that the more folks you have in a household, the bigger your check is. Even one of the interns we had this year was celebrating her first Mother's Day.

The intern asked me about my family. I told her I had 3 babies, and it was no shock to her. The other 2 women in the cast, 23 and 20 had none, which did shock her. Then I told her that all of my kids had the same father. AND we were married. AND I was 'of age' to have them...(she thought I was 24...and 'bout near pissed on herself when I told her my real age)

I guess the point of my story is this; why wouldn't a parent want better for their child? What would I look like telling my kids "no, you cant go to college, you cant make yourself better, i want you to depend on me and this welfare check for the rest of your life!"

Have we really become so complacent in this world? Our elders feel like they cant trust the young people, because we haven't been taught well by our own parents (in most cases, their children), and that we aren't teaching our children to lead in the way They (the elders) need them to.

I don't want to be this way...

_________________________________

True, I wrote this 3 years ago, but it still hits me so hard. I look at my life now, and see the girls I teach. I see my own kids, and I see the kids I go to church with. Its amazing how your environment can dictate your outcome, if you allow it to.

Readers, what are your thoughts? Please share...

Single Mommas: "That's just what we do"

Single-momma-hood. It happens. For whatever reason, however, why-ever...it happens. Some single momma's never intend to be single momma's, and hate it. Some start out in a 2 parent situation, and things 'don't work out'. Some are single from the beginning. Some choose to be a single momma. I'm sure there are other situations as well....but none-the-less, we are still Single Momma's.

So yesterday, I posted a blog about how I was sick, and woke up at an awful hour, trying to deal with the sickness. I went about my day, doing my best to nurse myself (and the Cadet, who's a little under the weather as well, and too 'big' for kiddie meds). I went to church, thinking that as the day went along, I'd get better, as long as I was drinking lots of fluids, taking meds, and taking it easy.

The music ministry always rehearses before we sing before the congregation on Sunday mornings, so I figured, "I just won't push it today". We were already joking that I'd be singing bass instead of soprano, because of how that cold had me sounding when I talked. We began to warm-up to on of the songs we'd be singing yesterday, and I could barely make it through. I'm so glad we were sitting down, because I would have had to! I could not draw in a proper breath to get through a 2 minute song! I knew I had to give it up for the day. I let the rest of the group know, humbling out a bit, because I LOVE worshipping with them, but I needed to take care of myself. I gathered my things, and went and found myself a seat in the congregation, all the while sweating and puffing on my inhaler. I ended up sitting in the third row, a couple of seats down from our oldest member, Miss Doris...a beautiful, 97 year old lady who is always one of the first people in the church, is always encouraging, still gets around on her own, and is such an inspiration. She just lost her final living family member, her daughter, earlier this summer. Yet she is still so faithful to God, and continues to live her life to the full. I sat a couple of seats down from her, because I didn't want to spread my germs to her and possibly get her sick, yet she encouraged me to come to the spot directly next to her. She told me "I usually get to see you onstage, you think I want to miss the treat of having you next to me?" I explained that I'm not onstage today because I'm sick, and didn't want to spread my germs to her. She then told me "Well, I will have to take my chances. Your flesh is weak, but your spirit is willing. Both of mine are strong and willing right now, so please, sit closer." How can I argue with that. As I sat, blowing my nose, sipping my ginger/lemon water and coughing, she rubbed my back, and continued with praising God, like this was nothing new.

For years, she was a single momma. Not that she meant to be, but she was. Her husband had passed away. She just did 'what we do'.

I passed on going to rehearsal after church, going to the youth ministry meeting, and instead brought myself and the kiddios home. I got on my nebulizer, took some cold meds and went to sleep. I ended up waking up, and going grocery shopping, but even that was physically draining. As soon as I came in the house, I got back on the nebulizer, trying to clear my airways. Being on the machine had a greater effect as well; the medicine helps to break up the mucus in my throat, so I was coughing and spitting as I sat there. After the treatment, I came back into my bedroom, to sit and chill. I let the kiddios know that I wasn't feeling well, and had bought them a DiGiorno at the store. Having a cooking 14 year old Cadet, I knew they were in good hands. The most I have to worry about, I thought, was the arguing over who would use the computer vs. the Wii. And that was exactly right.

Right around 8pm, I was feeling really short of breath, so I got back on the nebulizer for my third breathing treatment of the day. For some reason, it just wasn't working though. I mean, it was still breaking up the mucus, which is a good side effect, but what good is having side effects if the end result isn't there?

So I had Bean get in the shower at 8:30 as usual, to begin our nightly routine. Boy Wonder had gone into his room to draw, and the Cadet was the only one still in the living room. I called him into my room to tell him what my plan was. I let him know that I was going to the emergency room. The kiddios and I are all asthmatics, and have all had to go to ER's because of asthma, so he knew why I was going. Our nebulizer here at the house just wasn't strong enough for what I needed here, plus at the hospital, they have more specialized meds according to your symptoms. I let him know that I wanted to wait until everyone was getting ready for bed, that I would go, get treated and be right back home, since it wasn't a serious situation. He understood, and wasn't scared when I asked him if he was. He admitted he was a little worried though, but he was glad I was going. I told him to make sure he had his phone on and the ringer loud, and to text me as the night went on, and call me right before he went to bed.

As I went to the ER, I let a couple of people know, folks that I knew would be able to go and help the kids should I need them to, or that would be able to come and help me in the same way. I went to the ER that I knew wouldn't be crazy packed (thank God it wasn't)...but because I was so short of breath, and it was hurting my chest, I was immediately seen (so immediate that they printed my bracelet in triage, and I signed papers in my room, going to registration on my way out). I was checked into the ER at 9:10pm, and discharged at 10:51. I was back home, playing on Facebook by 11:28.

I was asked "why did you go alone" and "who's with you?"...I went alone because I had no one else to go with me. I didn't want to interrupt the kiddios schedule, and pack them all up to come with me. my kiddios are old enough to stay home for a couple of hours by themselves. I knew I wouldn't be gone all night, and if I were, I had people who could get to them quickly. I went alone because I had no one else here to go with me, but NEEDED to go. I'm a single momma. That's just what I do.

I make decisions all the time because I am a single momma. Last year, Bean and Boy Wonder used to come to my job everyday after school, because it kept them close to me, and it kept me from having to pay for after school care, something a single income household cannot budget for. I've had to swallow my 'pride' and go apply for government benefits, because they are all asthmatic and need medical insurance, as well as food benefits. No, it doesn't feel good, but I know that I go to work everyday, and that the kiddios SEE me working hard, and appreciating what we DO have, instead of 'taking advantage of the system'. Even the job I have-I wanted something that wouldn't have me bringing stresses home with me...where I can actually plan to go to parent/teacher conferences, where I can come home and help with homework. I have that job, and it has even taught me how to better deal with and raise them.

Back in the day (in college) I sold my (maternal) eggs to an in-vitro company...I got paid VERY well for only 6 weeks worth of work (like 2 months rent and all of Christmas well)...because its what I had to do. I've been making sacrifices for so long, that I can't even remember what most of them are to list them. (Last week, I didn't post because I had to let the cable get cut off...Bean needed a new school sweater, #KanyeShrug) But these are things that i have learned to live without, because I'm a single momma...and making these decisions now come easy to me. They didn't always...but over the years, I've learned to just 'let them'.

I came into single-momma-hood by choice, I like to say. We were married after the boys were born, divorced before Bean turned one. I could have stayed, but it wasn't the right choice. I made the decision to pick up the kids and go, and haven't really looked back. I wouldn't suggest this route for everyone, especially since everyone's case is different. But I had a great support system (still do!), and I have learned what works and what doesn't. I've found myself a little more independent than maybe I should be, and am still learning to let people in, and LET them help me if they offer. Single mommas will know that this is hard to do...since we have had to depend on self for so long.

Single mommas, speak out. Think about some of the things you "just do" for your kids, that others may never have to. Those of you who aren't single parents, take a listen. I cannot say thanks enough to the friends that I have (especially the men/fathers/husbands) who take time out from their own lives to help mine out. If you are able, find a single parent home, and 'adopt' them. I'm not saying that you need to provide for them financially...but maybe let the kids hang with you for a night so mom can go to a movie, or for a Saturday afternoon so she can nap/go grocery shopping alone/sit and watch a movie with a rating over PG-13, lol. Spend time with the kids individually; this is something that a single momma may not be able to do if she has more than one. Though this doesn't seem like much, believe me, it will be. Alot of single mommas don't get alone time, and would more than appreciate it, plus the kids would love a change of scenery.

I would love to hear what you guys think...


...until next time...

Back to School has come and gone...

and I'm still waiting to begin work.

Well...let me backtrack. I'm 'working'...but in the office. We haven't started the afterschool program just yet, so I haven't met this years' students. We ended up with 10 students (out of the 18 we began with), and of those, 4 of them were 8th graders who graduated from our program, and (Thankfully) went to high school. Of the 6, we believe that 5 are returning, as one moved to another school district. Which means that we now have 13 slots for new girls....WHEW. This will not be easy!

As for my own kiddios, this year has been quite interesting. Q had a hard time last year...wait...hard time my butt, he was downright lazy, and we weren't sure he was going to make it out of 8th grade. I went to conferences, talked to counselors, helped with projects, etc., but he just wasn't getting the grades we expected.

Then I realized that Its wasn't me, it was HIM. He was being lazy! I couldn't sit in class and do the work for him; couldn't do his homework; couldn't be there at school to tell him to turn the work in. These were all things he was supposed to be doing. But...he just wasn't...had no reason for it,just wasn't.

So when April came around, and he was in danger of failing (and I received that retention letter from the school district), I told him I was washing my hands of the situation. If he wanted to be back at the same middle school next year, wearing that same blue shirt, that was fine with me. It took me a minute to get there, but I was resolved to be okay with my son being an 8th grader AGAIN. I wasn't happy with it, but if this is how he's gonna learn his lesson...

It turns out though, that maybe my letting go was what he needed. I wasn't there to hold his hand, to push him through. He actually applied himself and JUST BARELY made it out of 8th grade. We won't even speak on his grade point average, because Yes, it was shameful...he wanted to apply to go to the high school around the corner that has an amazing Arts program...but you had to meet the minimum GPA before you could even apply. So much for that.

So, all he was left with was our neighborhood school...which is a military academy. All students are enrolled in the Army JROTC program. Everyday, they are in full regalia and uniform. They are called by last names, and he is currently a Cadet. We had to shave his locs (boy, was he upset about that!), to comply with uniform regulations. (Actually, I took him to his first day of a 3 day orientation...they told him that first morning "we don't want to see your 'hair' tomorrow"). He was angry all summer about how he didn't want to go to this school because he didn't want to be yelled at everyday. I explained that "Its not boot camp, its high school", but he still wasn't having it, even though all of his neighborhood friends go there, and tried to tell him.

He just left a couple of minutes ago, beginning his third week of school. I have already noticed a change in him. He dresses in his uniform everyday, pants at his waist, uniform pressed by the cleaners, tie tight, shoes shined, belt just right, name tag and ID perfectly placed. He comes home everyday, sits at the table, DOES HIS HOMEWORK, even helps his sister when she needs it. He's still my 14 year old, but has somehow found something within himself to motivate himself. I had to let him know that I'd be here, but he is now 14...a high schooler, a teenager. I expect him to take care of business, but I also expect him to find himself. He needs a social life, he needs responsibility and he needs obligation. I think he is beginning to find all of this in this high school. Though he needs to find something to do after school now (because he's NOT coming back to my house to get in trouble! I''m not having that!). He's not really a 'sports' guy, so a sports team may not be for him, but there are clubs and things he can get into...

This is my firstborn. He's now 14 and taller than me, but I'm watching him grow into Himself. Its got a wow-factor that is sometimes overwhelming, especially as a single mom. I have to be honest, I'm starting to get scared, because now we are really coming into manhood, and I have no idea of what to do! When my brothers went through this, I wasn't really around, so I don't remember my parents examples. Dre moved to Texas with his biological father, and I was off doing my own teenage thing when Kemper was going through this (plus, he had just found out about his diabetes...so that took up most of his teen years, learning how to deal with that). The plan is to ask lots of advice, and to have the willing men and fathers from my church there to help guide him...but in the end, I am still momma. He is still 100% dependent on me, though he is learning how to gain his own independence. He is feeling out the world for himself, and instead of me reaching out to pull his hand back from the fire, I have to bite my lip, and allow him to scorch his own hand a bit. Its not easy (on my part or his...he's already shown me blisters that I have to take care of), but I am determined to help him be there best young adult he can be.

OOH, Good Jesus...its been wild!

Wow.
Recently, my posts have been dramatical*. Extra dramatical, even. This one is just as dramatical, I tell you. Here goes.

So, Friday, I wake up, and all is well. I talk to J about having to pick him up from school, because it is his first visit with the child psychologist, as he is beginning therapy for his childhood depression. I tell him I will be picking him up, then dropping him off again after the appointment.

I send all of the kids off to school, as usual. In the morning, if I am not swimming, I use this as my Me Time. I read my Bible, then spend my morning reading, watching TV and playing on my laptop, all from my bed, all at the same time.

I then shower, and prepare to leave the house to go get J. (Oh yeah, he sees his therapist in the same office where mine is, which is a beautiful thing...because if our therapists work together, its only going to help our household. Great therapists FTW**!)

I leave the house at 10:15, because his appointment begins at 10:45. Pick him up from school...go to the appointment (his therapist didn't come in, but he was okay with that...he got out of school, and was happy). My appointment ran from 11 to 11:50, and then we made our way back to school, where I dropped him off. I had a staff meeting at 12:30 to get to, but ran home to use the bathroom, and check my bank account online.

So I get in the apartment at noon, and run back to the bathroom in my room. I then dash over to my bed to grab the laptop...but its not there. "Now I know I just left it here..."...I look around and things are a mess. I look up at my dresser and my TV is gone...the cable cord dragged across the room. Oh No.

I run back up front and see that under the TV where the kids play video games...everything is gone. The Wii. Its 4 controllers, and the docking station for those controllers. The games (a few are left, scattered). The Wii wheels (for driving games)...all accessories...everything. There is a chair in front of the window, with muddy foot prints on it that carry themselves throughout my dining room.

Ive had a break-in. I call my job, tell them I can't come in. Then call the police. Officers are on their way, don't touch anything.

While all of this is sinking in...I decide to start taking pictures on my phone of stuff I notice missing.

Then I here my patio screen door slide.
I hear the blinds being pulled back.
The thief has returned.

About 25 feet from me is the thief, returning for another round of thievery, I assume. I starting screaming "Get out, get out of my house"...(of course, I had to confess, there were some expletives that came out as well, forgive me)...he froze, obviously surprised to see me back home so quickly. Then he bolted back out of the door, and by the time I got there, he was gone of course...me not knowing which way he went either.

I went back inside and called 911.

Blah Blah Blah...police came...I don't feel safe...he knows where I live, saw my face...

I locked up EVERYTHING...doors, windows, fridge...anything I could. Went directly to the leasing office and told them "My apartment has been broken into. The thief came back to my apartment. I do not feel safe there. I have had problems with staying on the ground floor here (for other reasons)...I need you guys to either move me to another unit on another floor or break my lease". They gave me some story about needing approval, blah blah blah...call them back shortly, so they can call home office. Sure. I called 15 minutes later, and they got approval. Told them I needed maintenance to come fix my doors, and add some security to my windows.

I then went to pick up J and Bean from school...had to explain to them what happened...they actually took it alot better than I thought they would (though Bean bombards people with "We Got Robbed" as soon as she sees them, instead of "Hi, how are you?"). Then I wanted to go pick up Q from school, since he rides the bus home, and usually gets home when no one else is there...I didnt want him to come home to an empty, ransacked house.

It was raining. Roads were wet, and the oil is beginning to rise to the surface, after being held down under snow and salt for weeks.

Guy in front of me hits his brakes, so I do the same...and realize I'm sliding.
I scream...so Bean screams.
Then we hit.
And he hits the truck in front of him.

My airbag didn't deploy, and my chest hurts, bad. Bean hit her head on my seat, and has a small mark on her face, because she turned her head, so her glasses shielded her from injury. J was completely fine. The paramedics commented on how smart I was to have Bean in a booster seat at the age of 8...shoot, I'm just following the laws (plus Bean is a lightweight at her age).

I don't know much else of what happened that day, because I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Had an EKG and and a chest XRAY, and I'm good. Turns out, the seatbelt locked, and with my full weight being thrown at it, I'm just sore. No bruising though...I'm so blessed!

So...thats the condensed version. Im sure there are details for days that I have left out...but that was my Friday.

Shouts to my loving church family, The DC Regional Christian Church (www.dccoc.org) for coming through in major ways. I called a sister who picked us (me and the younger 2 kiddios) up from the hospital; another brother for grabbing Q from school; the church ministry leaders for putting all 4 of us up in an extended stay hotel for the weekend; the sister who brought me boxes to pack and move; and the entire singles ministry who was ready to drop everything and help me move after church yesterday (but still plans to come through and help me move this coming Saturday instead).

Twice in one day, my life was compromised, but I am still here. Twice in one day, I was reminded of the grace and mercy of God, and I am still here, unhurt and happy.
Situations such as these remind us of why we trust and believe...




*I know that dramatical is not a real word...but I lovew the way it rolls off the tongue!
**FTW=for the win. I know some of you don't 'get' all of my acronyms, so I don't mind helping bring you up to speed!

If I wasn't crazy enough before...

I will be shortly.

So...here I am, for the first time in my life, feeling helpless because of SNOW. After spending most of my life in Michigan, I was happy to give away my snow pants and shovels, and pack up my things to move to DC and Maryland.

Last Thursday, I got off work, and headed home, feeling confident that my deep freezer was full of food, and that the gallon and a half of milk in the fridge would hold us through this so called 'snow storm' we were about to get. Now, I have been here almost 2 years, and I had seen what they called snow storms around these parts. To Michiganders, those were days that the kids got excited and begged to go out and play. I'm sure you all remember the day DC schools got cancelled, and President Obama laughed about it publically. Nationally, even. That's what I'm talkin about, that's what I expected.

But no.

We got the NorEasterElNinoSlamDunk of all snowstorms.

And for the first day, I was cool. No biggie. (This was friday)

Then Saturday came. The local news was playing ALL DAY. NON-STOP. No commercials, no news breaks about personal interest stories, no soap operas, nothin! All snowstorm coverage, all traffic (or lack there-of). And to be honest, the NBC Local News 4 did a great job, because I was throughly enthused-them cats were quite entertaining!

Then Sunday came. No church (though a conference call service was held-how cool is that?!?) News was still saying dont drive if you mustn't. I saw firetrucks and ambulances with snow tires and chains on the wheels STUCK in the snow! Now, I can drive in snow...but I wasn't about to go anywhere!

Not only that, but I clown folks regularly for making a big fuss over a little bit of snow. See, here in MD, they aren't used to more than a couple inches of snow, so they dont have the proper equipment to handle it. Only a few thousand plow trucks, a few hundred tons of salt...stuff like that. Residents don't know how to drive in this stuff, because they usually don't have to.

Which makes me afraid.

Read again.

Now, I can drive in snow...but I wasn't about to go anywhere! Residents don't know how to drive in this stuff, because they usually don't have to.

THESE FOLKS CAINT DRIVE IN SNOW!!!

So annyway...

Monday comes along, and I finally go out on my steps to see the damage. The plow trucks have come through my apartment complex...and there is a 6ft tall mountain of snow blocking my car in. Not to mention the 3 feet on top of the car, and on the ground around Whitey Ford as well.

I used my neighborhood, friendly soundboard to make my plea for help (Facebook saves the day once again!)...screaming about my cabin fever, lack of fruit, milk and cereal. Luckily, an adventurous few made their way through the snow towards me (clowning me all the way, might I add...YES, this snow DID get the best of me! I can admit it) and brought me my staples, and shoveled me out of Antarctica. Thanks God for folks with serving hearts and adrenalin!

Today, I made my way out into the element, using my 16 years of driving through Michigan winter skills, filled up Whitey Ford's tank and went to the grocery store. That took a total of 3 hours from start to finish, with 5 of those minutes being filling the tank, a total of 15 minutes driving, and another 25 actually shopping. (The grocery store is a quarter of a mile from my house). So, if you're doing the math, you realize that I spent 2 hours and 15 minutes in the parking lot of the grocery store. Confucius told Nostradamus that 2012 was coming early, along with Armageddon, The Day After Tomorrow and Deep Impact...all they needed was the Book of Eli (shout out to my favorite disaster, end of the world movies).

Got home safely. Praise God for that.

I have been emailing back and forth with my supervisors, AYDExtroidanaire and The Songstress...talking about how the girls are gonna be once program begins again later this week...

And I get an email stating "See you Thursday(?!)", meaning that DC public school are closed AGAIN tomorrow (as they were today and Monday). So, I go to the website for my own kids school district.

And I saw what has given me an extra 36 beautiful and luxurious gray hairs.


My kids are out of school until NEXT TUESDAY.

That means we will have been stuck together, in this house for a full 12 days. 12 "Wii playing, house cleaning, do your homework again, read all of the Harry Potter Books and watch the movies too, you'd better recycle those clothes because Im not taking them to the laundromat in this snow" days.

If I wasn't crazy enough before...I will be shortly.

Y'all...pray for me.





or better yet,
pray for the kiddios.


~mommayonna

Umm...my bad

I know its been a good minute since I last posted; please accept my most sincere apologies for that. I have been getting back to life after the vacation, dealing with my middle schooler who has a 1.47 GPA, yet doesn't wanna go to the neighborhood high school (you have to apply to get into the high school you want around here, kinda like college-and a 1.47 would only get him laughed at)...going back to work, looking for a new residence (mad early, our lease isn't up until the end of July, but I really want to move this year!), and my physical health. Mental health is still an issue, but physical is taking over.

Had my annual physical yesterday, and some really unsettling things were found.

Please bear with me. It is my intention to continue this blog on purpose (AYD, mommahood and dealing with my depression), but it may turn into something else, depending on my mood. I appreciate you reading so far, and hope you will continue. I especially appreciate the comments; not only does it let me know that you're reading, but I get a look into your lives, your insights. You offer me ideas that I take away to work with. I look forward to your words.

So, as we go into 2010, I look forward to being here with you all.

Please please please go to the doctor folks. So often, we go about life with minor aches and pains, pop a pill and think nothing of it, yet something bigger is developing inside of us. Paying for insurance is something adults seem to have to do, but grown ups actually take advantage of it. If you have it, be a grown up.

See you next time,

~yonna

Anti-Prevention and Ask MommaYonna

So...today, we will talk about prevention programs. I'm sure you know of some...like DARE (anti-drug use), violence prevention programs, suicide prevention, sexual abuse/activity prevention...blah blah blah. I am not here to say that these things are good or bad; shoot, I was able to experience a number of these programs in my youth. You get alot of information out of these, and for some, the scare tactics actually work (...on kids who have been sheltered from these type of events, on a regular basis). But for many of our youth (and when I say Our, I mean my own, as well as the students I teach, who live in more urban areas, in close quarters with many people, and in metropolitan areas, where the rates of domestic crimes are high)these preventative programs just barely gloss over the facts that they see on a daily basis.

There is an assertion out there that 'problem free is not fully prepared', and I agree with this statement. When we try to "fix" our youth, we sell the young people short, and diminish our expectations for their achievement. We can do our best to teach them, and try to prevent high risk behaviors, but even if we achieve in doing so, its not the same as preparing them for the future. "Preparation requires an equal commitment to helping youth understand life's challenges and responsibilities and to teach youth the necessary skills for success."* Just because we are teaching the youth how to stay away and prevent issues from happening, we aren't fully preparing them for adulthood. They aren't going to "make it" in the world, just because they didn't get pregnant, join a crew/gang, or because they didn't use drugs; they learned prevention--not skills, knowledge or personal attributes. Developing the youth towards positive developmental outcomes really is the best strategy for problem prevention. It takes dedicated adults to do this. We have to help them strive for toward more positive goals that promote the skills and motivation they need to adopt and implement healthy lifestyles.

What does that mean?
I try my best to not tell a girl "Don't go out and have sex, you'll get pregnant, and that will be the end of life as you know it". Not only is this negative, but its flat out unlikely. How many teenaged mothers do you know of that still live a teenaged life? Still go to school, still hang with friends, still go on to college or get a job? True, life is different, because they have to come home to more responsibilities than a girl who doesn't have a child, but with some many multi-generational homes, there is most likely someone there who is taking up the slack for the youth. No one want to let the baby suffer, so everyone pitches in, in some way. Instead, I encourage her to think about other things; I ask questions to find out what they are thinking about, which in turn, gets them to discuss what they see, feel and think. I go out of my way to NOT make statements of judgement, because I know that I am an influence in their lives, and my personal feelings and opinions can change the way that they see me, but also their world. I also try not to share too much of my personal life experience in this matter, because that is subconsciously telling them my personals again...feelings and opinions. "Ms. Rayawwwwna didn't have sex at my age because she wasn't ready...I wonder what she thinks of me, because I was. Maybe I shouldn't talk about this with her anymore" would be the thoughts going through my students' mind, and I would lose the trust of a student, something that would hurt me dearly, since the safety and security that I strive to provide may not be readily available within their familial units, and I would have lost them right then and there.

Basically, with prevention programs, the young people are deemed competent and healthy when they do not participate in problem behaviors. This teaches them what not to do, but this does not teach them what they should do.

Woo.
Yeah. I've found myself being more and more critical of these programs here lately, because my son, Q, has been having alot of these types of programs being introduced in his middle school. Many times, he doesn't know it, but I get the reminder phone calls from school, and emails from teachers, asking for our participation. As a parent, this prompts me to bring things of this nature up in general conversation, as opposed to "You' aren't using drugs are you?", which of course he would deny (even if he were) out of fear of judgement and punishment. Instead, when its brought up in general conversation, he may feel more comfortable asking questions and discussing what he does know. At that time, I do my best to answer factually, and unbiased, no matter how I am feeling about it on the inside. Personal opinions must go out the window, unless he asks, and sometimes, even in that case, I still try to keep it to a minimum. YES, ITS HARD, but he is a youth in development as well!


Okay folks...
I'm getting long winded (as folks tend to do when they feel certain passion over a subject), so I'm going to cut it short here. But I do want to know what you think. Please comment, discuss, ask questions-whatever you feel comfortable doing. Also, should you have a question, or a situation you'd like to present to me, please do so at Momma.Yonna@yahoo.com, and I will do my best to help you out. Now, I am not the end-all/be-all when it comes to youth development (I'm still learning), but maybe I can offer a suggestion or some insight that will help you out. Then again, maybe I will end up learning from you. Let's find out together, eh?



*Advancing Youth Development: A Curriculum for Training Youth Workers, Handout 1-C, Key Youth Development Concepts and Assertions

the turnaround

Hey there readers...this week has been a whirl-wind!

First things first, thanks for the well wishings that I got. I had fully recovered, and am chock full of the daily recommended amount of blood again, so I am all ready to go!

On the home front...things are...different. Report cards came out this week, and school pictures were sent home at the same time. Its funny...when I look at the pictures of my kiddios, I can see everything that is going on in their live, right on their faces.

Q has this "I'm too cool to smile, because thats just not what 8th grade boys do...but momma said she was paying good money for these pictures, so I'd better not look mean" look on his face. He also shows me that there are lots of things on his mind...gotta keep his grades up, or the drum lessons will become shorter; dealing with girls; trying to keep up with homework; and church things: his best friends go to church with us, and do things one way, while the neighborhood kids he goes to school with do things another way. He feels like he has 2 sets of friends, and being the same person in front of both groups isn't as easy as he thought it would be.

J brought his pictures home, and his face looks like "I want to smile...and I'm gonna...but wait! I'm not ready...doggit, you caught me". J is having some issues right now. What I didn't realize in my own grief is that J (who is named after my daddy) has been hit hard by his death as well. Not only are J and I very close, and he sees what I'm going through, but being a namesake hasn't made things easier for him. His grades are effected. Being a child who deals with emotional abuse issues, he takes EVERYTHING alot harder than his siblings. His grades are showing this as well. He does great on his tests, and does his homework, but gets lazy at the point where he has to hand it in. He is also easily distracted in class. I told him today to let his teacher know that I need to work on an IEP (Individual Education Plan) with her, because I am thinking that he may need psychological help in school. I already sees a counselor, and is in the 'Confidence Club' (a group of students who are shy or have esteem issues, working with one of the school counselors), but he may need more than that. I already knew what his grades were before the report cards came home (thanks to online grade reporting), so I knew what to expect. However, he was crushed when he got his grades. He was reluctant to show me, because he thought he was going to get in trouble, but since I knew a couple of weeks ago, I had already thought about what to do, and without him realizing it, we have already been dealing with it. But those grades! The only thing that he has to gauge himself with...he saw them, and immediately decided that he was stupid. I have to explain to him constantly that he is not stupid, he is not a dummy, but maybe the way he's learning isn't the style that's best for him. I explained that there are 9 different learning styles, and most teachers really only use 3 or 4 of them. I told him that I will help him to find his learning style, and that we will work together to bring those grades up...together.

Bean's pictures showed me exactly what I already knew about her. "I love this, this is cool, I am great and everything is well with the world". Her smile is so easy, and third grade life couldn't be better. Her only real issues in life are why we can't go out and buy her teacher a huge birthday present, and dealing with her brothers at home. However, last night, she told me she felt so bad, she wanted to run away. I asked her why, she said "because I keep doing wrong things". She said this after I reminded her about deodorant. (Yes...its gotta be in the hormones in the food...my baby has been wearing deodorant since she was 5!) Every night, after showers, I ask my kids the 3 questions...Did you brush your teeth? Did you put on deodorant? Did you take your medicine? She had forgotten one of those, and I asked her to go and do it. Earlier in the day, she had forgotten to do something else. To me, its no big deal, but I have to remember, I'm not 8. To her, anytime mom has to tell her to do something that she should have already done, its a big deal, and 'maybe I'm getting in trouble'. I tried to break it down to her as much as I could, explaining that everyone makes mistakes before they get really good at something, they even forget a bunch of times before something becomes a habit. We laid together, quietly talking for a few minutes, as I let her know that messing up is okay and that I would be very sad if she ran away. My life wouldn't be the same, and who would help me when the brothers ganged up on me? Who would sing the girl songs with me, and who would I practice dancing with?

I swear, being a momma shows me myself. I thought this morning that a few months ago, all yesterdays conversations would have gone so differently...but thinking about youth development has really changed me. I also think about how my being an adult versus them being children has got to feel on their part, and that I don't want to disrespect them as people. Young people, but people nonetheless.


When was the last time you changed a conversation you were going to have with a child out of respect for them? Have you ever punished, or 'snapped' on a child because its 'what your're supposed to do'? Did this happen to you as a child, and if so, how has it effected your adulthood?

Time Out!

So...I am taking a brief hiatus here...yeah, I know I just got started, but I need this downtime.

I had some major dental work done this past Thursday (the day after the field trip), and everything went as planned. But then on Saturday, the temporary crown the dental surgeon put on me came out. No biggie. I was fine.

Then at about 2:30 in the morning, I woke up to a mouth full of blood.

I don't wanna get into graphic details, but after 2 hospitals and almost 8 hours of bleeding nonstop, I was finally taken care of and sent home.

So, because I lost so much blood, I have been put on bed rest, and cannot return to work until Thursday, to give my body a chance to recoup that blood loss.

Here I sit, bored out of my mind. But hey, I finished knitting that scarf I had been working on since forever.

See you all when I get back to work, and the AYD starts up. Ooh, also, I have an appointment with my new therapist, and will let you know how that goes. Should be interesting, since this is my first time meeting with anyone since Daddy passed.

Thanks for being patient with me, folks. I do appreciate you. Please pray for my healing.

For some clarification...

I just realized that my readers are not stupid, but they may not understand the terms I'm using...so here is a brief tutorial so you can understand where I'm comin' from.


AYD, or Advanced Youth Development/Developer: That's me. This is what I do by trade. I didn't realize it, but its my dream job. The National Department of Labor is JUST NOW starting to recognize Youth Development as a career path here in America.


Youth Development: (The What)A process by which ALL young people seek ways to meet thei basic physical and social needs and to build knowledge and skills necessary to succeed in adolescence and adulthood. (The How) An approach to working with young people that defines goals/outcomes based on capacities, strengths and developmental needs of youth.


Adultism: all those behaviors and attitudes which flow fromt he assumption that adults are better than young people, and entitled to act upon young people in myriad ways without their agreement. (note: this is me. Has been; its how I was raised. Most of you may agree.)


Common statements from adultists include : "When are you going to grow up?", "You're being childish", "What do you know, you haven't experienced anything!"

Adultists also include those who "just don't do (or do well with) kids", those who give up on youth because "they just don't (want to) act right", or "don't deserve help because they don't help themselves".

So now that we have that established, do me a favor, and participate in the poll I have here to the right of my page. Be honest please (its anonymous); I'd really like to know how aware people are. I will admit that I have been an active adultist for years now, but am learning my way out of it. It was how I wad treated as a child/youth, it was how I was taught ("Children should be seen, not heard"), and its what I used on my own children...still do in alot of instances. But as I said, I am LEARNING my way out of it.

I want to thank You for being willing to take this journey with me.




Thanks to The National Training Institute for Community Youth Work for the materials; DC Trust and DC Best for the AYD training; Interstages, Inc. for sponsoring my training; Thandor and Syreeta of DC trust for training me; Q, J, and Bean for allowing me to use it at home, and my 18 babies for giving me practice everyday.

The Un-Punishments

This week, I have been dealing with E and his school issues. He settled the thing with the girl already, and had a doctor's appointment on Friday, so of course, there were no advancements on that front. My boy...he got his H1N1 shot, and smiled through it. I even took a picture.

Anyway, back to the point...

I got an email from one of his teachers. Brother-man is doing great on his tests...scores couldn't be more perfect. However, he isn't doing (or turning in, one of those) classwork and homework. He's skating by with great grades because his assessments make up so much of his them...but it IS NOT okay (with momma) that you're being lazy and not doing the side dishes, because the meat and potatoes have already been taken care of.

So...I decided to take away what he loves most. Grounded him from the Wii, and the computer (unless he has to do homework...oh yeah...he doesn't DO that). I also suspended his private drum lessons that he loves so much.

But then I had to realize...the drum lessons are his enrichment. taking away his artistic release is exactly the opposite of what I do for a living. I would be putting him in the same position I'm trying to take my students out of. So...drum lessons were given back.

I talked to the drum instructor, because we have alot of the same views on things, and found out what he thought. He thinks that I need to try to work on the character flaw in him, and in this case, its laziness. So I ask the boy about this, and its true. So I ask him what I can do to help him out...what can I do to help motivate him. He says that the things he looks forward to usually motivate him. So we work out a few 'motivational spurs' that we both agree on. We're gonna try these for a few days, to find out if they work. If he comes home and gets his homework done, he can go outside and hang with his friends (something that was taken away previously), and he can read those flippin' manga books that I said weren't proper reading material for his reading logs (I still believe that...but these are his release, and I am secretly happy he has taken an interest in reading so much that he was hurt to lose this privilege). If we can get through the week with all homework done and turned in, then he will get his Wii and computer privileges back. Let's see how this goes.

Now, in AYD terms, this is giving the child safety and structure, but its also creating an awareness of self worth. Safety and structure because he knows exactly what he is to do afterschool everyday, and it creates a routine, which is what kids need to be comfortable. Also, self worth, because he was able to help me make this decision, and understands that I do trust him, until he gives me a reason not to. He feels like he really made the decision, and therefore, invests himself into the outcome. What we are looking for is a positive outcome, and our full intention is to work until we get one. My job in this case is to be supportive, and guide him. If he falters, I will be there to try to get him back on track, but I must let him do this on his own. This is HIS learning moment, I am just along for the ride.

Well, hello you!

Hey there!

So, I decided that I missed the blogging world, and since I didn't wanna traipse back over to the world of DramaSpace, I chose to begin life again here. And yay for you finding me!

I am...the mother of 3 beautiful and challenging Kiddios...Q, the 13 year old 8th grader who's barely taller than me, but still quite respectful (for the time being); J, 11 and insecure, a 6th grader who deals with alot of issues internally; and Bean, the 8 year old wonder, who is in 3rd grade, and is the worlds greatest social butterfly.

I also work for a non-profit org her in the DC Metro region, where I teach drama/stage design/basic life skills to 6th, 7th and 8th grade girls in a low income area, who go to a school that really should be shut down. Not only because of the structure of the building, but because of the structure of their education. They are just barely making the cut, but its not their fault. They dont understand this, because it is all they know. Honestly, this is my dream job, and while it is challenging, I couldn't be happier with what I do.

Also, in my personal life, I am learning to deal with depression. I have had alot of huge changes within my life this past year, from graduating college and moving far away, to losing my beloved father this past June.

So...put all of that together, and you get me. Yonna. A momma, AYD (advanced youth development) worker, and overall crazy lady. This should be fun, seeing how the 3 cross paths (as they do, on the daily, BELIEVE ME!) Glad to see that you're willing to take the ride with me!